Here we go for another round of Dear So and So letters.
Baby, I love you. I love how you're growing up and I'm able to have a passable conversation with you. Its lovely that you are showing little signs of a personality, of what music you like and dislike, of clothes and books and toys.
But, sweetie, you can be a bit Bull in a China Shop sometimes. If Littlest is crying, and you're giving him a cuddle, making him scream and turn red, then that's his way of saying that he really isn't feeling the hug. Or the lying on top of him. Or the patting his head and repeatedly saying "there there Ed, you 'right?"
And no, you're TV is not "my very own TV". It belongs to me and Daddy, and screaming like a nutcase will not help when you have already been naughty and had it turned off. I would like to remind you that you're 3, and I didn't own a TV until I was 19. Not everything in the house is yours. Sorry.
Love you loads girlie
Dear Post Man
Erm, yeah, not sure how much of this you'll actually get. But when you knock on my door at 8am with a parcel, please don't just throw it at me, then tap on your signature pad, before grunting and going to your van.
How about a hello or good morning? Even just something resembling actual words?
No? Ok then.
Ms Curran, in her pajamas, of Clare Road
Dear Skip Owner
I FRICKIN' LOVE YOU!
Not only did you take my awful old Ikea computer desk, but you have a skip full of old furniture, which to you is "old tat" but to me is amazingly cool. Its not even shabby chic as the previous owners obviously looked after it. I have wanted a bedroom screen for at least 15 years, but have always found them really expensive, so you letting me have all the old "nasty heavy wood" furniture well, I could kiss you, frankly. I'm now off for the wooden table, shelves, bookcase (definite antique) and the lamp that is without doubt from the sixties and is in the shape of a woman in black metal. Even if it doesn't work I'm going to attach it to my bedroom wall.
Thank you so much!!!!!
Mad woman from up the road who loves dusty old furniture.
You are hereby banned from purchasing anymore vinyl until which time that you have made shelving to hold the load you have already. They take up half the dining room floor. You have more vinyl than Mike Reid and Fatboy Slim put together (probably). And no, my Barbara Streisand are not shite, she's amazing.
You have been warned
Dear MADS people
I'm so excited to be coming for the MADS awards with you all, it's going to be great! Race you to the dancefloor when they play Superman (that's what they always played at Butlins when I was a kid).