I have just linked up to follow a couple of new blogs, and the one I found funny this morning belonged to 3 Bedroom Bungalow to Let in Crazytown.
So I am following on the list of Dear So and So letters. Feel fee to do one of your own.
Please stop reshowing the same episodes of programmes more than once a day. Does no one make new programmes for children anymore? I'd even settle for repeats of Button Moon, and especially Dangermouse. And whilst we're on the subject can you please hire some Mum totty for me to watch, just so as I dont completely die of boredom. Sid, Andy and the wet newbie one are just not good enough.
Thanks in advance,
Claire, mum of two from Maidenhead
Errr, where are you? I know you're hiding somewhere around here....
I am being introduced to various new people at the moment, and am tired of being introduced as a Mummy. I did do stuff before the children you know. When did I stop being a writer (OK so a struggling one)? I used to be her with the pink and orange stripey hair who dances on bars. Now I am the Mum. Like the others at Group. We weren't born Mums you know.
Claire, Writer, singer, she formerly of the mad dress sense and pink hair.
Please stop making me watch childrens TV. It is not your right, at two and a half to slide down the stairs on your bum of a morning at 7am, to where I am half asleep and nursing my first coffee of the day, and to proceed to stand in front of me and shout Beebies at the top of your voice. (Thus making me spill my coffee). There is more to life than Timmy Time.
And whilst we're on the subject, please can you stop waking up at 2am and demanding to sleep in my bed. I would not mind, but you don't sleep like a normal person, you fidget and I end up with a foot in the face, clinging to the side of the mattress. And you talk about Night Garden in your sleep. This does not make for a fully operational Mummy in the morning.
Love you Mini
Son, you are a cheeky bugger. I am going to have my hands full with you, I can tell. But a grin is not a catch all for bad behaviour telling off avoidance. I have seen it before with Mini and it didn't work with her either. Nor does screaming and screwing your face up. Teeth happen boy, and you will be happy to have them when Mummy can make you her steak dinner and you can eat it. Oh and stop trying to nick everyone elses food, especially when its fish as you can't eat the stuff. And don't bite my toe ever again, especially not at 7am.
Love you Gremlin
Dear Blog readers
Thank you for sticking with me through good blogs and blogs written purely due to boredom, so not that great. I hope you enjoy reading what I write and I hope I can entertain you with my mad life.
20 Something Mum
Dear Real People Magazine
I will never write for you again. When I expect to be paid 100 quid weeks ago, and had planned a shopping spree with it, I do not like having to chase you. I also do not like that you can't remember who I am. I will now warn other mummies not to bother.
Claire (issue 33, page 54)
Let me know if you do one too!