Yes, readers, I am a Mummy who is one step away from a padded cell.
This morning, I have found myself singing, and knowing all the words to, not only the theme tune to Pinky Dinky Do, but the songs in the show too (the "We're going to the story box" one). But worse than that, I now inexplicably know the words to the Green Balloon Clubs"Dig It, Eat It" song too.
I now fear that was I to ever audition for X Factor, I would more than likely pitch up and sing "Upsy Daisy,Here I Come" to the bafflement of Simon Cowell. And worse I'd be on one of those awful contestants reels, alongside the big girl in the bridesmaid dress and the old people who can't hear let alone sing forever more.
I have been in full support of Sandy at Baby, Baby's Take Back the TV stance, and have limited both the kids to one hour of Beebies or CITV per day.
But I still have these goddamn awful songs in my head.
What's worse, I now find that Chrissy has learnt the words to the entire Nursery Rhymes CD she listens to to nod her off at night, and breaks into show-stoppingly loud performances of "London Bridge is Falling Down", or "If You're Happy and You Know It" (complete with clapping, food stamping and hooraying) in the middle of the supermarket, or the most embarrassing, the local library. The problem there is that I take her to Songtime here once a week, and now she thinks its fine to sing at 100 decibels everytime we go in there, even when it's not Songtime.
I find that that when I'm alone in the kitchen, washing up, unless I switch on Radio One, I end up humming or singing a kids song of some sort, just yesterday morning, I shocked myself when I realised I had launched into a not unimpressive rendition of "Yoko Jakamoto Toto".
I was actually going to upload a Night Garden song to my phone to amuse the kids when their having a whinge if we're out, but then realised that should I be out without the kids, and my phone rings, I would look like the biggest sad act ever! So I put Lady Ga Ga on instead in a vain attempt to look hip!
I need a week off, from kids, kids TV and kids songs in general, before I regress completely to age 2.
I'm off to plug my headphones into Live Lounge, in the hope I can learn the words to something far less embarrassing.