Mini's Election Confusion

She may only be 3, but Mini often sits with me in the morning on the sofa, wrapped in a cosy blanket, drinking her milk while I try and wake up using a bucket of coffee and the BBC News (its not cos I'm posh or Midle class that I watch BBC Breakfast instead of GMTV, I just find GMTV really irritating. And my Mum watches it).

So, she has seen a lot of stuff on the election, and unlike me, isn't bored of it.

But, she may not have quite got the idea of whats going on, if some of her comments are anything to go by.

These include:

• She thinks that the reason the parliament (or partymate) is hanging (not hung) is because no one got 326 SHEEP. I told her its seats, but she swears blind its sheep. 

Can you imagine what the Commons would look like if this was true? And who would make the best Shepherd? Add your own Flock jokes here!

• Nick Clegg is not Nick Clegg. Oh no. According to Mini, he is Michael Jackson. 

Now, while I agree that most people in the country had no idea who Nick Clegg was before the Debates on TV, Mini refuses to believe his name is Nick. And that he was never in the Jackson 5. I'd love to see Nick with a spangly glove! Maybe he'll be Moonwalking into Number 10 after all! She always, without fail, points at the telly and shouts "Michael Jackson, Michael Jackson" when he's on TV.

• Gordon Brown lives in a castle. With The Queen.

Not sure where Prince Philip fits in, but yes, when I told her that Gordon Brown was going to have to move house soon like we are, as a way of making her see that we aren't the only people mad enough to move at short notice, I told her he lived at 10 Downing Street, as that's where the Prime Minister lives. But as he is not going to be Prime Minister, he has to move. But she told me that no, he lives in a Castle. With the Queen. God Knows where she got that from.

• The Liberal Democrats are actually called the Ibral Demacats.

So, not only are they run by Michael Jackson, they are called something completely different to what we think they are.

It's not just Mini though.

We had to walk past a Polling booth on our way to pick Mini up from Playschool, and we had Lovely I an with us, on the pretext of helping us pack when we got home. But we couldn't find any boxes.

Anyway, the very posh old lady and old man manning the desk asked us if we were voting as we walked past. Now, I'd have shaken my head and carried on, but Lovely Ian is a bit of a joker, and is very convincing. Noticing that the people were stupidly posh, very obviously Tory voters, Ian told them he had only voted once, and he had voted BNP, but it wasn't popular with the people at the Voting Booth so he thought that was why he hadn't got a voting card. They looked like they had swallowed something very unpleasant.

With that we walked on, got round the corner, and fell about. Poor old people! Ian, by the way, has never voted for the BNP, just in case you were concerned! He voted Labour in 1997 when Blair got in, but that's about it!

While on the subject of Voting, I'd like to canvass some votes for GLOWSTARS, URBANVOX, MY DADDY COOKS,  BRINGING UP CHARLIE and MELLOW MUMMY for a MAD AWARD. Well done for being shortlisted guys!