A little while ago in November, I wrote a post about my friend J, called Disappear Here. It was quite a hard post to write.
Actually, the reason I wrote it wasn't for the sake of blogging. It was more a case of needing somewhere to write something. To catalogue how I felt and why I felt it at that point.
One thing I don't think you are ever prepared for when you have kids is that, the days when you were a bit emotional, back before them, you could let it all out.
After kids, its not so easy. Mine are at the doubly difficult age where privacy is foreign to them, they can follow me up stairs, in the house, nowhere is sacred or private. (Not even my make up box, which Mini was found looting at the weekend, despite its lock). To add to that, they can sense upset or weird atmospheres really easily. However much I think I've hidden upset or worry, Mini will come and sit on my lap, have a kiss and hug then ask why I am sad.
So, even though, like after the phone call that led to that post I felt like crying, great huge sobs of worry and upset, I couldn't. Which obviously isn't healthy.
That's why I turned to my blog. Good old faithful thing that it is.
Well, after the response about my friend, I thought I should give you a little update on whats going on.
She's still in prison, which privately I don't see as a bad thing.
When she was given the opportunity to complete her penance at home, with a curfew, she got bored after 3 weeks and the wrong people lured her away to get even more involved in drugs and running from Police.
It took a while to find out where she was, as she hadn't got in contact with us, and not knowing who to trust in her new batch of friends, we didn't want to risk it asking them. But finally she allowed the prison service to tell me where she was just after Christmas, a month since I'd asked for the information. I'm not sure if it took that long to go through procedure, or whether she changed her mind, but we all know she's safe at the moment.
I wrote her a letter last week. I know that's a bit of a time between me finding out where to send it to, and sending it, but every time I put pen to paper, I felt that I couldn't find the words. I was really worried that I might cut myself off from her if I wrote the wrong thing. I was also more than aware of the fact that she could at any moment, be perfectly in her right to ask me what business it was of mine and how I would know what it was like for her, considering I've never been in her position and my knowledge of drugs is from Eastenders and school. Not from experience.
In the end, I didn't mention it. I just told her, whilst trying to imagine sitting in a room with her lie old times, that I am here for her, and when she stops being a daft tart, we can move on and forget all about it. Because that's what mates, real ones are all about, being able to forget the daft, silly stuff and the big scary pants wetting upsetting stuff too.
I then spoke to her Dad on Saturday. He's still very worried, which of course is understandable. We all are, but he being her Dad worries more than most. He was pleased I'd been able to write to her, I had even said to her that she should know her Dad loves her loads.
He has now been up to see her, and he sounded a lot more upbeat, well as much as you can do in the situation he is in. J is clean. Really clean. She has to have tests regularly, and has certificates to prove her clean status too. That's not to say we don't worry a great deal for when she's released, but we have to take every little milestone as a sign that we are all going to see her as she used to be once again.
The plan now is to get her as far away from the numpties she was so enamoured with previously, with the hope she isn't tempted back to her old ways again, and so this time, clean and free can stay clean and free.
She turns 21 soon. She'll be in jail, but she's facing a better future than on her 20th last year.
I feel optimistic. We're working together on the outside, and hopefully, now we can talk to her in her right mind, she wont fight us all, we can strengthen her as a team, as friends and family who care alot.
Its a long journey we face. But together, we'll get there, no matter what knocks we get along the way.
So, for people who asked for an update, its promising.