If you've just woken up, this is the latest round in "inept Immigration teams against sneaky would be immigrants" reported in the papers.
Apparently, if it's not enough there is already a backlog from 2007 onwards of at least 300,000 cases waiting to be dealt with, they have somehow, "lost" or "misplaced" 50,000 others who were turned down and scheduled to leave.
Now, 50 would be careless. 5,000 would be shockingly poor. But 50,000? How the bloody hell do you manage that? And how do we sort that out now? Bar ending up with UKIP no doubt just bumping off anyone who looks a little bit foreign whilst Mike Reid sings his Calypso in the background.
That, obviously, is not the solution. Unless you are Nick Griffin. So what do we do? How do we find these people without costing the taxpayers (you know, us who are actually British and have to pay for these monumental fuck ups?) huge amounts of cash, which no doubt will end with Smugron declaring there was nothing that could be done and they can now stay, like last time?
I think, readers, I have a cheap solution. One which is already in force in this country and filled with the type of rabid ner' do wells who enjoy making people who are in anyway wrong in their eyes life miserable.
I give you, the humble, much maligned, Parking Fine Enforcement teams found in every local council building from here to Scotland and back again.
These types, along with their friends from the TV License Enforcement posse, will leave no stone unturned in their pursuit of your cash, should you stay in a parking spot for two minutes longer than you've paid for. They will send letters, they will take you to court, they would, no doubt, if they could, hang you by your ankles and shake your pockets out of every last penny in the name of government protocol.
They are primed and ready, so why not give them the task of cleaning up where other's have failed?
They will shop their own Grannies if it means doing the will of the Prime Minister.
I say, let them put down their parking fine paperwork, and give them the files of these snide firm, they are bound to find them in at least 2 hours, and then the Immigration process they went through can be completed without fear of them running off again due to the fear of these lot after them with their rules and rubber stamps, as well as driving them insane with rhetoric.
If you can think of a better way, I'd love to hear it, and no doubt, so would the Tories!
All jokes aside, if we can't even trust a department tasked with looking after the countries interests, how can we go about monitoring the kind of undesirables who want to create chaos via terrorism, or keep track of possible sources of Ebola?
50,000 people can't simply disappear, they must be earning a living and paying to live somewhere?
Lets hope the Government does actually fulfill one election promise, before we can't move for people in a country already bursting at the seams.