Christmas Conversations with Drunken Men #1

Have you ever sat and listened in on a group of men having a conversation whilst they're drinking?

I have, its hilarious!

Men will often argue that guys are different to women as they don't bitch about things with one another, and that may be true, but I have found something they do all indulge in though.

One upmanship.

Yesterday, in what I fear was a precursor to Christmas Day, Ed had his friend since 1988 Ian over, as well as his nephew, who is living with us/treating the house like a free Youth Hostel/lazing on the couch all day/nicking the PC* (*delete as appropriate).

They all decided to shut themselves in the office that is the conservatory as they all smoke, and I have banned smoking from any rooms the children go in, and as this room is freezing (I'm getting frost bite typing), the kids are banned.

Anyway, I was in the room next to it, the living room, trying to amuse the children. But I could hear the conversations they were having quite clearly through the glass doors, even with the music that the nephew was "mixing" to "drop" at his "set" on Saturday in London.

As they had a few beers, as usual, as Ed and Ian have known one another for years, and used to live together back in the scarily early nineties, they rolled out a few choice escapades of single men stories to tell the nephew.

I don't generally listen-I usually glaze over and nod where I think it needs it, whilst trying to watch something on TV without them noticing. After 10 years I know most of Ed's stories, so I can recite them from memory anyway, and to be honest, once you've heard one guys "before I had kids and became semi responsible" stories, you've pretty much heard them all.

But yesterday, I did listen. In fact, I was listening to the music the nephew was playing to try and up my same age cool status, but instead it was annoying me as I kept hearing snatches of old songs.

Back to the subject-men and conversations.

One of the assembled would tell a story, generally about a girl, a night out, a car, or sometimes all three in one story.

But then the other would come in with how a girl, car or night out they had was better. But they wouldn't say it was better, or slag the other off, no, but it was very much the human male equivalent of who has the shiniest antlers in the forest.

Woman were discussed in a manner you'd hear Top Gear discussing sports cars.Some were laughed about quite meanly. Some were held in high esteem, others were relegated to  "that bird at that club who had big boobs, and a fit sister but I can't remember the name of."

Yes, men, you may not bitch, but my God you compete.

Listen out for it over Christmas.

Just pray you don't get mentioned too.