......And Industrial Strength Botox at that.
Yes, I am doing a list at the beginning of each month, listing why it is that I feel Botox should be available for free on the NHS to stressed Mothers.
The reason is that I went into my local Council Building yesterday (fact: it was in the Doctor films with Leslie Phillips don'cha know) and spotted a sign inviting Maidenheadians into a "Well Being Day", giving advice on beating stress.
I remarked that surely the way to irradiate stress was just to move away from Maidenhead, or at the very least, its dodgy Landlords.
So, here is a list, in no particular order, of the reason why I have premature wrinkles that Andie McDowall would point out in ads with glee.
- The Landlord- he is evil. Previously, he had never spoken one word to us, now he feels it necessary to come round and bemoan his financial situation and accuse us of owing him rent. To the tune of sixteen hundred pounds. This is the Landlord whose wife we told 3 months ago that the upstairs and back room were full with black mold, and that our gas bill was over 60 quid a week (when our neighbour is lucky to go through 15 quid) in the weeks between November and February, even though it was only on for two hours a day. The whole of the house, and the loft and garage is full of their junk too, meaning we are letting a 3 bed house with garage which 45% of which we can't use, and another 50% is becoming increasingly uninhabitable due to damp.You cant use the shower in the upstairs bathroom cos if you do the living room gets a shower too. Dresses of Mini's have been damaged by the damp, costing us God Knows how much to replace. Oh and not forgetting the day he parked a car with no tax and which had clearly been involved in an accident on our drive, nearly ramming our bin through the kitchen window, and left it there for 3 weeks, without asking us if it was OK or telling us it was his car- we thought a car had been nicked, crashed and dumped in our drive, we rang the Landlady just to check, good job too as I was about to report it to the Police. THAT though was OK, cos it was costing US money. He has some dodgy dealings go on with mysterious fires going on in his restaurant, Police turning up for him Christmas morning, and Bailiffs a constant guest at our door (for him, not us), yet THAT'S fine! He has now done some "creative" accounting, and the result is, well balls to say the least. I must have mug written on my forehead, as this is the 3rd out of 3 Landlords we have had since moving to Maidenhead that has been dodgy, and not cared whether their house is habitable or not.
- Having to move AGAIN. Yes, due to the above, it looks like the Landlord is about to sink further down than Ashley Cole's knee skimming undies in deep debt, thus his only asset (if you can refer to a house about to fall down due to rot as an asset) is either about to be repossessed or sold to cover his debt. Meaning we have to move again. Sick of it. I might as well buy a caravan and become a fully fledged Traveler.
- The children. They have gone mad again, meaning no sleep/peace for me at all. I had an hours sleep last night. Mini refuses to sleep in her bed, no matter what Supernanny technique I try, and has now worked out how to undo her Child safe gate. Proving my theory yet again that Mini is not a child, but was beamed down. Oh and did I mention the stand up row I had with a man in the street who accused me of being a sh*t parent cos she was screaming to the point of snot coming out her nose and her face swelling up? Over a Waybuloo magazine she already had. What I told him was unrepeatable, but I bet you can guess. Littler meanwhile has taken to knocking tables and chairs across rooms.
So, there we go, the top 3 of stuff currently causing me high blood pressure, spots, and wrinkles.
Sorry to rant!