Dressing for Cybermummy-Simple Rules to Remember.

As a departure from all the seriousness of the last week, I would like to draw a line, and get back to, well, being a sarcastic cow actually.

The other debate which has been raging in blogs and Twitter is this:

"OMG WTF AM I GOING TO WEAR FOR CYBERMUMMY!?!? AHHHH!!!!

And words to the effect.

Well worry not my girlies, my being the cool, calm and serene person I am (read: I lack clothes after going up two dress sizes and alas had to give most of my clobber away via Freecycle) I have these handy tips for dressing for Cybermummy. Just call me, not Gok Wan, but Wan Clueless:

1 WE'RE NOT AT LONDON FASHION WEEK. 

Yes, that's right chums, its a conference, not a fashion show. So, we will be doing quite a bit of sitting, and note taking. Therefore tight trousers/skirts and cleavage revealing items, as well as large amounts of clanking bracelets are possibly not a good idea.

2 WE'RE MUM'S WE'RE ALLOWED TO LOOK SCUZZY!

I'm not saying turn up in your jammies or tops with questionable stains, but we also wont be expected to look completely calm and collected either. After all, we will have to remove ourselves from children, clinging to our arms. and possibly even legs, at the thought of being left with Daddy all day. Until he mentions that he has vast quantities of illegal sweets, E Numbers and artificial ingredients, as well as junk food for dinner. Then they will be all like "Mummy who?". Creases are cool. Fact.

3 WE ARE THERE TO LEARN

That's right people. We won't have time to eye up or covet anyone's designer items, as we will have lots of learning to do. Remember at school when teachers said we had to wear uniforms so we didn't get distracted from work. Same rules apply here. Minus the uniform. Unless that's the look you're working.

4 NEWISH-BORN BABIES ARE COMING!

No one will be taking any notice of the clothes we are wearing, I know of two Mum's bringing proper tiny bubbas with them. Its all about the booties girls. And the bibs. Oh and those adorable tinie tiny socks. I'll stop now!

5 MOSS, JOLIE AND WILLOUGHBY ALL HAVE NANNIES. FACT.

That's why they can get away with white trousers. And look like Goddesses. And they don't have massive eye bags. Because they know that its the Nanny who gets filthed by their offspring. Ditto for spending hours in the gym doing yoga. Bitches.

6 PRIMARK IS GOD GOOD

Who exactly is going to look at the label in your top/dress/jeans? Not me. Its all very well and good owning designer clothes, but then there's the up keep- dry cleaning, not spilling on it and the minder you have to have so you don't get mugged in it. Wear what you like, if its chain store or couture, its all good!

7 IT'S WIMBLEDON FORTNIGHT.

Meaning it's bound to rain at some point in the next week. And then that wispy sun dress will quickly resemble a dish cloth. So best to wear your nicest (Non transparent) undies. You get the idea- bring a brollie. And a rain mac. Wellie boots are optional.

8 MAXI DRESSES 

Are OK. Just remember that if they are the mid length maxi its best to shave your legs as they ride up when you sit down. Trust me (been there forgot that one). And if they are long long maxi's then watch the stairs/slope/person in front and behinds feet.

9 THAT'S SHOE-BIZ

Sorry, couldn't resist the pun. Clogs are a nightmare, whats with the whole bring back clogs thing? Nightmare. They make your legs like tree trunks. Heels are OK, but who wants to be wearing heels all day? We're talking moving around and meeting people from 9.30am to late in the evening. They won't feel so good after that amount of time. Flats are where its at. Or some such.

10 CONFERENCE TO PARTY- A CLOTHING NIGHTMARE

Anyone going on to the Gurgle awards (its OK, you can come out now) will know that the Conference ends at 7.30. The coach for Gurgles is at 7.45. Now, if, like me, you were planning on getting changed from jeans and vest to ravishing Goddess attire, not going to happen in 15 minutes. So, I suggest a smart casual  and crease-able dress for day. Then add a pair of heels to your day bag, plus some chunky jewelery and accessories to stick on in the coach, plus extra make up to reapply.

Same applies to those staying behind for the after party at the Conference. Who wants to be fecking about with fashion when there's valuable drinking time to be had?!

So, now there need not be anymore worrying. Never fear 20somethingmum is here!

LOOKING FORWARD TO MEETING YOU ALL VERY SOON. XXXX