....No. Not sodding Good neighbours. After last night, I would stomach quiet ones. That would do.
Now, I am not going to be sticking my slippers on and listening to Max Bygraves records, and become shockingly elderly- I love a good party, a good drink up and a bit of fun (ask anyone at the MADS).
What I do not appreciate is the Bratlings being woken up. Repeatedly.
We've been here 5 months now, the boxes are ticked this time, a great Landlord who is more than happy to get stuff repaired, close to town but not on an accident black spot which renders me a nervous wreck whenever Mini wants to walk down the road, and a massive garden.
I was slightly concerned that on both sides of us were multi tenant houses made into bedsits, but having lived in a few of these when I first left home I knew that they get a bad rep sometimes.
The one attached to us is owned by my Landlord, and being a great judge of tenants (he picked us after all, and we rock!) they are a quiet unassuming bunch who we hardly see. One of the girls who has since moved out even allowed us to show the nosey Bratlings around her downstairs, as they kept looking in through the kitchen door as if it was some sort of faraway magic land.
Sadly the same cannot be said of the other house.
In fact, they must be the parallel universe version of nice next door house.
They have had parties before, which were mildly irritating, more for the annoying laugh that one of the girls owns- anyone who watched Neighbours in the late eighties or early nineties may remember Melanie who had the annoying laugh- imagine that four fold and honking. And when she drinks, as the evening goes on, she gets louder. That itself has woken Littlest quite a few times.
Or they don't know how to simply talk to one another- they have a theory I'm guessing, that why go up to each other and talk when you can shout from one end to the other of the garden? Or from the street to the back garden? That really tests the vocal chords that does.
And as for their taste in music- well, they are all from different parts of the world, in fact, if you wanted to you could line them all up and create your own Bennetton ad (you'd have to exclude honking laugh girl, she's block out the rest with her sheer bulk, which she presumably owns to create that kind of special laugh in the first place and to be able to ensure it carries). But I can only summise that not one of them has any knowledge of music post 1990. And not in the way Elder loves old music. Its shiny happy Euro pop cuddliness, such as Abba, A-ha and Whigfield.
Except for one of the boys who seems to think he can MC better than Hammer. He is crap. And I think the Nephew's MC talents are annoying, but he is good- when someone is particularly poor, its just not funny in anyway. He is so sure though of his talents that he does it through the power of a microphone so the whole street can hear his, ahem, talent. More deluded than an X Factor wannabe who didn't receive the Cowell "you're in" wink". In fact I think I may have to get Elder to befriend him and convince him to enter next year as a form of fitting revenge that will also serve the purpose of him selling his microphone.
But, no. Thats not how they managed to annoy me last night. Hell no.
This time, they surpassed themselves.
The ususal party fare of honking laugh, shouting and dodgy MCing were all present and correct.
Again, they woke Mini and Littlest up, rendering my night null and void as I tried for 2 hours to get Mini to go back to sleep (when she wakes up now its still dark, so she automatically assumes its morning and time for playschool).
But by midnight, strangely for them it turned quiet.
Until 2am when I was woken by a smokey smell.
I could hear something going on out the front, and so jumped out of bed to have a look.
To be greeted by the sight of one of the party lots cars up in flames, which they were pushing outside my house, with the intention of sticking it on my driveway.
And did they have the sense between them to call the firebrigade?
That would be a no. Apparently they couldn't as the Landlord would find out- not a lot of brain power there then. As obviously if the car blew up I'm sure he'd pretty much hear about it.
They gave up trying to push the car on the actual driveway, and still tried putting it out with water.
Fearing for my children, I scooped up Mini and ran through to what is usually her bedroom, but is occupied by Littlest while his room is decorated, thus she is in my room and I'd nodded off with her. I woke up Elder, who couldn't believe what was happening.
I finally could hear sirens in the distance- one of the neighbours across the road had rung the brigade in the end, fearing the car could explode, taking out two cars either side of it, and causing God only knows what damage to my house- if it had blown up, it was right on the kerb and we have a very thin driveway, which means the blast could have blown our windows out and, depending how much petrol was in the car, could have set our house alight. Nice.
Luckily, no one was hurt but it was purely down to luck and little else. To say I am livid and await the next visit their Landlord makes is an understatement.
Suffice to say, I had about an hours sleep last night, and am shattered. Whats worse is that now Mini is full time at playschool, the only sleep I get or lie ins is weekends. I'd given up by the time the kids got up this morning.
If anyone would like to give me a country house with no neighbours, but close enough to shops, I would be forever in your debt.
I'm going to bed now.