Things Not To Do In Maidenhead When You're Drunk.....

.....Such as start an international incident. Or put the fear of God in a whole street.

No, before you wonder if this is what Elder and I got up to on our impromptu night out, it wasn't. The only nuisance we caused was leaving my cards on the train back from Slough. Or annoying pub goers watching the Man United match by cheering on Barcelona. 

The international incident was caused last night by an unknown source at gone 11pm (at 11pm on Saturday night, Elder and I were listening to Gil Scott Heron and Marlena Shaw quietly, so as not to wake the Bratlings, before we realised that the Bratlings weren't home).

I went to bed at 10pm last night, as I'd had a busy day. Littlest has a cold yet again, and so is wheezy, and if that wasn't enough he decided to pinch something off his Uncle's dinner plate, giving himself a big allergic reaction and going all lumpy and red in the face. So, all in all, was pretty tired.

I'm good at falling asleep, so nodded off pretty much straight away. 

So, imagine my pants wetting scaredom when I heard someone official sounding, over a loudhaler say this, repeatedly, while a siren wailed:

"People of Clare Road, this is the Police. Please leave your homes now. You have 5 minutes to leave your homes. This is an emergency."

I was half asleep and it scared the pants from me. I jumped from my bed, grabbed my top and jeans, and started shouting to Elder (who swears blind he was awake and didn't hear anything but who had fallen asleep in front of a film).

It carried on up the road, and people began running-yes, literally running- from their homes, to see what was going on.

And what was going on, people?

Drunks. That's what.

About ten minutes after everyone had calmed down and gone indoors, the real Police went looking all along our street for the fools. I really hope they caught them before they gave some poor old dear a heart attack.

The thing is, if this had happened a few years back, everyone would have ignored it.

But now, I think we're all on high alert for incidents, after September 11th and the London bombings came from nowhere and without warning. None of us are really sure how the Police would deal with a threat, hence my mad dash out of bed and the neighbours running from their homes. One of my neighbours was crying with fright.

So, what at first seems funny- well, its not really at all. 

So, that's one thing no one should do whilst drunk.