Dear So and So: Lump, Weddings and Mumsnet Nutjobs

Before you shout "oi, woman, you've got your days wrong again you thick so and so, tis Thursday, not Friday", I shall say, in my defense that I am a) crap at lining up posts to auto-post, and b) at my sister in laws wedding tomorrow. So bog off.


Only kidding, here's my Dear So and So's for this last week in July.


Dear Weather


Sort it out! Where oh where is the sun? And, if he can (because the sun is bound to be male as he's such a cantankerousness thing) could he see fit to be shining in Ascot tomorrow, it is Nursey sister in laws wedding tomorrow and if it rains my hair will turn to frizz rather than carefully constructed lush curliness.


Ta


Dear Littlest


No, your imaginary friend Lump did not mess up your bedroom, draw on your face with marker pen or spill food on the floor. Nor was it Lumps teeth which bit my kneecap yesterday. While we are discussing Lump, why can you not have a friend with a nice name? 


Love you Scruff
Mummy


Dear Lump


It better not be you doing those naughty things.


Hmmm
Littlest's Mummy


Dear Mini


Leave my bathroom cupboard alone missus. Its a bloomin' good job I went in the upstairs bathroom, and not your Uncle or cousin, elsewise I think they may have been embarrassed by the sight of my Sanitary Towels stuck artistically to the wall. You hooligan.


Love you


Mummy


Dear Mumsnet Trolls


You're mental. And for people trying to shed the nasty image, you are failing abysmally. 
Cheers for knocking the stats on my "sh*t, Boll**ks, decidedly meh, poor constructed and badly spelt" blog up.


Arseholes.


20somethingmumuk, better known than any of you bi-ayt-ches. 


Dear Non-Mumsnet Blog Network Members


Seriously, don't join it. Its littered with the kind of trolls seldom seen since 1991 and twice as ugly. 
Its kind of like Royston Vassey. And its tag should be- "you don't have to be a brainless knob with no life to join here, but it helps".


Badges declaring "Mumsnet Throws Scorn on my Blog" coming soon.


You have been warned
20SM


Dear Nursey Sister-in-law, and Hubby to be


Have a great one. No S your fringe is fine. And thanks for picking my daughter as a bridesmaid.


Cannot wait for tomorrow.


Lovely readers


You know who you are- have a great weekend and if Elder doesn't nick my phone and ban me from Twitter or G+ I shall give you the odd pic/update.


Mwah for now
Me