After much hilarity (I'm thinking of printing out the picture, signing it, and auctioning it off for charity), hashtag imagining (Gate Gate was my personal favorite) and changing the lyrics to classic John Lennon songs ("All we are saying, is give gates a chance), we sat back and waited for a response.
But we didn't get one.
I thought perhaps my first attitude, that Mr Bullock was full of, erm, bullocks was right and that he'd probably needed a lie down and a wet flannel after my email rant.
I then started to think that, actually, he should jolly well reply and be polite enough to say sorry.
Then I was busy doing other things (like prepping for karma bitchslap day with the Craplord and Environmental Health, more about that tomorrow) to give a crap.
I then got a reply today. Clearly, Mr Bullock may be big enough to write a snide letter he hoped we wouldn't see, but when someone calls him on it, his gob suddenly goes tighter than an arsehole.
He had the nerve, the actual nerve, to complain that we weren't meant to see the letter. No. It was about us, you understand, but how dare we read it.
Cheek. Serious cheek.
Basically, Bullock-Chops thinks its perfectly acceptable to:
- Slag us off and threaten legal action over an unlocked and completely necessary gate.
- Ignore us and not include us in an apparent inter-neighbour gate version of the UN
- Say we're in the wrong for reading a letter about us. That wasn't addressed to anyone
Oh, and he did it via annoying bullet points, the likes of which I've not seen since I was at college and my Geography A'Level tutor used to berate our coursework via the medium of red pen bullet points. And he was a self serving arse as well.
He then, rather selflessly, imparted advice about how we have rights about our Craplord. You know, cos being devoid of any rights to discussion regards the gate, a lawsuit and being unintelligent by association of being a lowly renter I clearly am a hick with no brain/sense of what's right and wrong about housing issues. This from an ignorant self important toad who posts poisonous letters rather than just, say, knocking on our door. About a housing issue.
Oh, and as for Craplord turning the house into flats, how silly of us, as he wont be allowed, there is no precedent (yes there is, there is the precedent of not giving a feck about precedents, the law or anything else).
So I replied.
The point is, we have asked, several times, that Mr Craplord sorts out the fence. He is an ignorant, greedy money grabber, who cares not one iota about anyone on this row of houses just so long as he gets his rent. If our asking, and the other neighbours asking has gotten everyone nowhere, then I doubt your letter- not worth the paper its written on in a legal sense- is suddenly going to make a difference.
We know of our rights, thank you, just because we rent we are not daft, so please, credit me with some intelligence. However, in the current economical and social climate, those rights stand for very little when there is a shortfall of housing in the area and plenty of people willing to put up with the likes of Mr Craplord.The fact that you justify accusing us of illegally erecting a gate with the attitude that we were never meant to be a party to your letter is a joke and further supports the ignorance displayed towards us in the fact you have never so much as said hello in all the time we have lived here. Do you not think we would like to know when neighbours we previously spoke to without issue and who have not so much as raised an eyebrow regards the gate suddenly take umbrage to it? Do our views count for little as we are not home owners? Please don't insult me further by trying to suggest you give two shakes for our safety, your letter was written, in your hope secretly, to slag us off regards the gate, I can read and the subtext is very much anger in our direction.No one has mentioned to us about extensions- which again is ignorant beyond compare when they will also need to access the alleyway via our driveway, putting our vehicle in danger of damage, not to mention noise nuisance and blocking us in. The same neighbours were all too quick to speak to us when they had an issue with a former tenant at ...... when they wanted our help to contact our Landlord. Clearly, we have served our purpose and are now not worthy of inclusion in their plans.With regards the landlord laughably not being allowed to turn our home into flats as there is no precedent, I'd ask if you actually live on our street at all? ... is bedsit flats, as was ... until the summer. .... is also flats. We have ........... Care on the corner of ........... Road (filled with many an unsavoury character), as is a house on the opposite end of the same street. And these are just the ones we are aware of. I doubt very much that Mr Craplord will be concerned with planning permission- after all, the property on ............... Road which backs onto our garden, and who suddenly built a one storey apartment at the bottom of the garden certainly didn't concern themselves with planning and the offending building is still there. Mr Craplord is no doubt quite hoping that he is able to do the work under the disguise of propping up his crumbling home, and its only down to us having some respect for our immediate neighbours that any of you know about it in advance. That is what you do in a polite society, not waste time with poisonous letters which, quite remarkably you sent via the postal network as opposed to simply speaking directly to us.There is a precedent down to the need for homes, however small, in the town, and the fact that next door is multiple occupancy only enforces that.You made a situation that could have had our full backing into this by being snide and trying to ignore that we may like to know when we're being accused of being illegal. Other alleyways on the street also have gates and no one complains.You may be a surveyor with letters after your name, but you're not a solicitor. You have no rights to start slagging us off to a Landlord who we have tried to work with on behalf of the less ignorant (until now) amongst the neighbors.So, no, your letter is not being handed over. I have bigger worries than a petty argument over a fence, a gate, and perhaps next time rather than try and act like we don't exist it would do you well to include us
Yeah, so I pretty much think I got my point across. I changed a few things again (I would have loved to refer to our Craplord as Mr Craplord as it would make me pee my pants).
Meanwhile, our neighbour from the UN Gate Force, who previously never said a word about the gate other than agreeing it was a good idea, obviously saw the original email (he told Elder he did), and came to have a word (I'd imagine he'd also thought "oh bugger"). He apologised for not including us and didn't know that we hadn't been meant to see the offending letter from Chief Bullock. And fair play to him.
I await to see if Big Bullocks gets back to us again, if he does sue I have a 20p ready for him.
Beam me up to Folkestone, I will live in a hut frankly.