Friday, 16 April 2010

Seven Scary Things About 20SM (shhh its a secret)

I have been tagged in the "Seven Things I Would Prefer You Not to Know" meme by the amazingly good Mrs Worthington at 2 Teens, a Dog and Me. And its not easy to think of seven things you mad lot don't already know about me. But, deep breath, and thanks all for reading my blog- I think to unfollow you just click as if you want to follow on the blue bar!

1. When I pinch nearly all the Ice cream and sweets, I blame the children

In my defence I have an excuse- Elder always calls me a greedy cow. And moans that even though there were five ice creams, or sweets, he has had none, and when he wants one, they're all gone. But surely that's not my fault? So, at the moment the kids cannot say "actually Daddy, it was Mummy that snaffled all but two of them", and I am using it to my advantage. Its the same as when Elder farts and blames one of them, but with less smell.

2. Stupid things annoy me...

....and annoys me more that stupid things annoy me! Lateness, people who have a tone to their voice (in my opinion), songs in shops, stuff being loud, you name it, if its tedious, it'll drive me nuts. I am like the female, 28 year old Victor Meldrew.

3. I always lie on CVs

That's pretty tame, of course, but at one point I told a prospective employer that I had finished my A levels, and made up grades. Except they did actually check. Oops. Or the time I went for what I had been promised was a fast track managerial position at McDonalds, but was then told I was too young and had to start by flipping burgers. I was all prepared to do it, and work my way up (McDonalds has an amazing scheme for managers actually), and then we had the induction day. Everything was fine until we had a look round the back area with all the current burger flippers. And they all had really greasy bad skin, and were stupidly fat. That was that I'm afraid.

4. I am the most untidiest person. Ever
I do actually do the housework, before you all imagine us needing the services of Kim and Aggie. But I hate it, and generally do it in one big burst. There's always so many other, better things I could be doing. Like blogging, for instance. Or playing with the kids. Or reading Heat and eating the sweets I have blamed the children for eating. Worst chore- hoovering. Or possibly washing up. I never iron either- I put the clothes away from the line, then iron them when they are needed. Purely because I remember my Mum almost turning psychotic at us all as she stood for the 12th hour ironing through a great big pile. And she would always moan about the pleats in our school skirts, like we'd bought the damn skirt in the first place. But there is hope- Mini loves to hoover. Yes!

5. I often tell Elder that Littlest has been awake....

...loads more times than he actually has. Take two days ago. I was feeling a bit tired, not loads, but you know when you really want a Duvet Day? So, I told Elder, who was downstairs, that Littlest had been awake 5 times, and I was really tired. And he brought him down and told me to catch- up on sleep. But Littlest had only been awake once. Its OK, he doesn't read my blog, so I'm safe!

6. I Cyber-Stalk people I hated at school...

 ....Purely so I can laugh at them now they are fat and ugly with equally fat and ugly husbands. I don't do this to everyone from my year, just the girls that made my life miserable at school and who all the boys liked (because they were the slappers). Now, they all have more children than Vicky Pollard, and worse taste in clothing too. I may not be the skinny rake I was at school either, but the mate who popped up from Kent at the weekend who hadn't seen me for 2 years reckons I actually look much better a few stone heavier, and that I used to look ill when I was a size 8. Yes I do wish to have him stay here forever and repeat that to me every time I have a fat girl day! I also am no longer the girl with no boyfriend either- in fact, Elder is pretty darn hot! (as anyone who saw the pic I posted on the Plastic Joy award post will agree). I almost fell off my chair at one girls picture, who was evil to me back then. Karma, I think!

7. An ex once posted pics of me online in revenge
Yes, the ultimate in things you do not want your ex to do to you. The guy I nearly married took full advantage of my "young, naive, gullible and stupid" side when I was 17, and asked me to pose for some "private pictures", which he promised only he would ever be party to. So when I called our wedding off at the 11th hour, and got together with Elder, he decided that the rule of "for him only" no longer applied. I had no idea for about 4 months that he had done this, until my irate Dad rang me asking why there were pictures of me in my underwear posing on the net? Ahhh!!!! Of all the things for your Dad to be annoyed with you about at 18, that has got to be in the top 3. Apparently, one of my sisters friends had seen them, as we shared a lot of mates between us, and she had been told about the link. Said sis then had a look, but not in her bedroom, or at school, oh no, on my parents PC while my parents were both there watching TV!  She then showed my Dad, who flipped out. 

I'm just quite pleased that I didn't go the full Monty and strip off for him. The B**tard.

Elder's reaction- he wet himself laughing. And no, they're no longer online as the site was shut down.

So there you are! Hopefully not too shocking for you!

I will ask that anyone who hasn't been tagged has the guts to tag themselves and leaves a comment below xx


  1. Haha!! I so blatantly look at those who gave me grief at school as well!! I love it when they look well old and haggard now, double the size of myself, and their kids and partners are uggo! It is indeed, karma, and I love it! ;0)

    Josie x

  2. come on... u gotta admit... it is a funy situation if it isn;t with you... heehehe

    tell ya what... I am doing a most embarrassing moments award thing on my blog (and there are prizes!!!! ;)) go check it out and enter your story there!!! hehehehe



  3. I take it you're referring to number 7? And I can definitely laugh about it now, but at the time I was mortified beyond belief- not just at the pics but the Dad aspect too.

  4. Hello, i would love to start reading ur blog right from the start but i am new to this blog lark and have no idea where i go to find your first ever blog entry, please may you advise me??

  5. Oh Clare what a great list! I hope Elder does not read this or your cunning plan with the wakigs will be scuppered! Mich x

  6. Great post! Gave me a good laugh, even though it was at your expense! Very brave to post those things! Found you by way of NetworkedBlogs! Hope you're having a great week!


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