Wednesday, 3 September 2014

That Naked Photo Scandal....NSFW

I am going to begin by saying that I may use words to describe lady areas which some may find offensive. In fact, I am almost only writing this post to see how many names I can use for lady parts. Slightly.

That naked lady photo shocker.

Was it really that big of a shock these days?

Don't get me wrong, I'm all about a woman's right to parade her muff onto photographic equipment if she so chooses.  I am all up on the Sisterhood, so to speak.

However, its a camera phone.

It connects to the world wide web. Which is not the safest way of protecting images of your lady garden is it?

You can't even upload innocuous pictures of a day out on a blog without some bugger nicking them.

The very idea of letting happy snaps of my sacred clam wing their way hither and dither onto the insecure web fills me with abject horror, and I'm not a celebrity.

Whilst it is of course horrifying for most of the names on the list who were hacked (I mean some like a certain Kardashian probably have their Momager on it to rake in cash from the sale of said snaps), what on earth were they thinking?

Surely, if you must take pics of your tits  for your own, or someone else's, amusement, the humble old Polaroid, though old school and basic, is bang on for the money (shot)?

As for giving out photos to your latest paramour, surely a very dangerous exercise for a budding or indeed already famous lady?

Vanessa Hudgens has already been hit, along with various others (when the Spice Girls first launched earworms on the radio way back in 96, you couldn't open a paper for weeks without an ex of Geri's and his artfully shot pics of her sans clothing) before and after her. So why on earth do none of these girls learn to keep private parts, well, private?

What with the new buzz in the media being all about Porn Shaming exes, famous or otherwise, its not exactly a new phenomenon for some smarmy ex to grab those previously "for your eyes only" photos and make them public. And I should know, as when I was 17, I was daft enough to lay with a bra and jeans on for my at the time fiancee. Except as soon as we broke up acrimoniously months later,  and with me forgetting all about the- albeit not very racy pictures- he decided the best way to hit me was to upload them online.

At the time I was shocked, but it wasn't long before I found the whole thing funny- some of the images on the site were utterly terrible, I was a sprightly size 8 teen and thankfully had nothing more on show than my (much missed nowadays) flat tummy. I didn't even have boobs then. It was so tame. I would be very surprised if anyone got their rocks off to me.

Now, with camera phones, there is not a chance, even if I was still in possession of my size 8, no boobs, flat tummy that I would let anyone, including Elder, take those kind of images of me.

Like one of those dodgy name of loved one tattoos that come to be a mistake when you break up, to selling off your cds when you move in to together and combining collections, anything that can be a pain in your arse ( literally) on breaking up, even if you feel its the one, the love of your life, its a bad idea.

So, next time you think about getting a camera out and posing as nature intended, put on some clothes, put down the phone, and leave the cloud to dog shaming pics of the canine variety.

And don't end up a statistic of the modern world.

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