Missing: Two Well Behaved Children!

I would like to know what happened?

It would seem that almost overnight on Boxing Day, both Edward and Mini went to bed, as usual. Both had their dinner, their baths and their jammies in in exactly the same way as usual.

But instead of waking up at 7ish in the usual way, and sitting on the sofa with the drinks for a good half hour before playing, both woke up in the foulest moods ever.

Don't get me wrong- they have had days like this before, when they wake up and you start to think that alien forces have been in and replaced your normal child with a screaming banshee. But this generally happens once in a blue moon and never to the both of them at once.

Since Christmas though, they have both been complete nutcases.

Obviously, I thought that what with Christmas being so exciting that they were tired out, and would be fine in a couple of days.

Hell no!

They have completely gone pyscho on me, and at the worst possible time.

You see, the "not eating crisps, biscuits and sweets" (actually strike that anything edible) diet thing has started. And as a result, my usual happy nature is that of a 60 a day smoker who has given up after 20 years. Yeah, notgreat.

I really have not got the energy or where with all to put up with both of them spitting and fighting.

Edward,, he who is usually the better behaved of the two, has completely flipped. He will now go back and forth like a goldfish up on the sofa, throwing stuff down the back, nearly falling off or over the sofa, climbing on the coffee table- in fact I think if he could reach the light fitting he'd swing off it. He has also decided he loves nothing more than peeing his sister off royally, in anyway he can.

This can be pulling great lumps of her hair, dribbling on her, knocking her off the potty, or stealing her food when she gets distracted by the gerbils or the TV.

She, on the other hand, has up the ante of Mini strops.

Now not content with just crying when told no, or told off, we have cataclysmic screams, heard probably as far as the outer reaches of Scotland. The naughty step has seen that much use, the carpet on that step is threadbare. I've taken to putting her in her room to calm down, but all that happens is even louder screaming until Ed the Elder has enough and brings her down. At which point she goes and smacks her brother for whatever caused the vitriolic outburst in the first place.

One screams, the other immediately follows.

I thought we had reached a break through yesterday evening when Mini actually managed to wee on the potty- but now everytime I try and get her to repeat it, she asks for ice cream- I now think she was so distracted by eating her cone she didn't remember she was sat on the hated potty in the first place. She was given a set of big girl knicks (her words, not mine) from her Aunty. Her son was dry at 2-mines nearly 3 and hopeless at the potty.  So I put her in a pair this morning. Edward meanwhile is in love with the potty (hence why he pushes her off it), and will happily have a go at weeing on it to. What did Mini do- took the knickers down and peed on the floor. Pulled the knickers back up for a final dribble, then told me "want Nappy" in her Dalek sounding whiny voice. And no, I'm not a fan of Doctor Who, I do not find this cute.

At that point, I gladly went to Sainsburys.

Talking of which, I read an interesting related story on the BBC text service.

Apparently, a lady was in her local Supermarket, near me in High Wycombe. With her was her two year old son, and as is a child's custom the child was being a brat.

But another woman was so annoyed by this child's crying, she first told the mother off for not shutting her child up. When the mother did what any mother would do (eg tell her to get knotted or words to that effect), the woman shouted in the two year old ear, then slapped him round the face!

The Police are now hunting for her.

So, how is my diet going?

Crap. I have nearly given up, tow days in.

I cannot seem to not eat sweets or crisps, so am resigned to having to do scary aerobics and other forms of exercise to shed pounds in the hope I can still stuff myself with nice food.

On the plus side, after the Baileys incident, I'm off booze, so that's one vice gone!