Dear So and So- Spam Related Issues

Dear Spammers

I AM NOT A BLOODY MAN!!!!!!

I do not want to "Lengthen my (non-existent) manhood", I do not wish to purchase your dodgy "meds" (the likes of which are the ones which the papers say killed poor old Michael Jackson), I do not want to join your dating site and I certainly do not believe that I have won many millions of dollars/yen/African coinage.

I have 3 email addresses so I do not want to take 3 hours getting rid of all the spam. Enough already.

Thanks!

****

Dear Littler

Stop screaming at the top of your lungs at 2am. It is dark, thus it is night time, the time when you are meant to be asleep. More importantly, I am meant to be asleep.  I need some sleep, as well as peace from you and your daft sister.

Love oo

****

Dear Mini

Use your damn potty already.

Nuff said

Love oo too

****

Dear Elder

I am v pleased you have finally set Live and Direct up. Now can you bog off and stop coming in and checking the sound quality on my PC. You are causing me severe writers block by interrupting me. I am also pleased that some of the stupid amounts of stereo equipment and speakers have gone/are going, so ta for making more space.

However, the radio is boring before its even started. And yes, I am nicking some air time!

Cheers Old Git.

PS what do you want for your birthday? Totally stuck

****

Dear Media World

No one cares anymore about John Terry, Ashley Cole (apart from the comedy pants, now they are dull, limp and lifeless, eh Cheryl?) or any other stuff to do with celebs who, frankly are non-celebs (take note Price, Reid and Andre).

There are real life things going on, how about cover those for a change? Madeira and Chile and the continuing hardship in Haiti might be more appropriate.

And as an aside to the Daily Mail, sack Jan Moir, immediately. She is not a journalist, less a respected Investigator, she is a propaganda merchant , and more suited to the Sport. Not a supposedly intelligent rag like yourself.

Disgusted and frankly bored of Maidenhead

Dear Nephew

Stop leaving your pants in my hallway. I am not your Mother, I will not pick them up, in fact I will wait until Saturday when your actual  mother is visiting us, and she can deal with them. And you.

Next I will photograph them in all their glory, and tag your name in the pic (thus informing all your friends) on Facebook.

Consider this your final warning

PICK EM UP!!!!!

Dear everyone

Mwah

You know, just because 

xxx20SMxxx