Sunday, 17 October 2010

Why I Really Do NOT Like Channel 617.

Channel 617. Grrr.

Mini, at the grand old age of 3 and a half, has decided that she has outgrown CBeebies. In my view she's not so much out grown it as seen every episode of every show on there at least 30 times, so is bored. 

Littlest (still known as Not Boy at home) is not impressed. We know that his level of feeling is this, because in-between bouts of no, not and mine, he stares mournfully at the TV set, saying "Beebies Gone". And to his cars. And to Mini's Baby Annabel who he appears to have adopted.

But no, Mini is the Queen of our home (seriously) so we now have a new menace channel to contend with.

Tiny Pop.

I have no idea how it came to her attention, however, she refuses to watch anything else now. But in my view there are two very definite reasons why its worse than CBeebies (apart from the bonus that it doesn't have an over grown Sarah Jane Honeywell jumping about like a hyperactive 5 year old after downing several bottles of pop).

Firstly the programmes. They look like the kind of shows which at some point were offered to the BBC, but were deemed too, well, crap to be shown on CBeebies. 

Rolie Polie Olie springs to mind, which looks like it has been programmed (yes programmed is the only describing word I could think of) by the same bunch who made the video for Dire Straits "Money for Nothing" in 1985, using a Dragon 32 PC. (see below if you don't believe me)

It looks like technological advances never happened! These guys have obviously never seen Toy Story, Shrek or Ice Age. 

Or like Captain Mack, Mini's undisputed favourite thus far. She loves it, finds it hilariously funny, knows the theme song and the catchphrase. That's devotion for you. 

For me, its possibly the naffest kids TV ever. 

The costumes look like the type you'd see worn by hen night guests in Brighton for a weekend drinking session.  It is so crass its unbelievable, I actually think the reason it appeals to kids is because it was written by a child pretending to be an adult like the kid off the loo roll adverts. The actors are so poor they would be rejected by Hollyoak's casting directors.

But Mini loves it all. 

The second, and by far worst reason though- ADVERTSstacks of adverts.

But not any old Tesco or similar ads, oh no. 

In an ad break, there is just two or three minutes of TOYS, stacks of toys

And if you're a parent, you know what that means.

"I want that, I want that, Can I have that, Mummy I want it NOW!"

Yes, so in conclusion. Tiny Pop, an evil, crass, cheap and advert driven channel, designed to rid you not just of the brain cells not already zapped by other kids programming, but to render you poor too.

Maybe its the work of the Conservatives?


  1. Ha. Ha ha. You don't know evil yet. Not until you have stumbled upon the other channels available.

    Take Cartoonito for example. They seem to only have a stock of three programmes to show at anytime. Fireman Sam, Baby Loony Tunes and Kyrpto the Super Dog.

  2. I love rolie polie olie; the script is cute and funny. If you look into it the reason they have them in those simple shapes is to teach children about shapes in all their simplicity. It teaches them how you can make anything out of shapes, its a good show.


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