Friday 28 October 2011

Dear So and So- The Tearing Hair Out Edition

Its Friday, it's very nearly the least scariest holiday of them all, Halloween, and its also reaching the end of Half Term, so here's a few well timed Dear So and So letters for you all to enjoy.

Dear Half Term

Gah, so over it now, please send both the Bratling's back on Monday, or I'm seriously considering moving into the shed.

Yours, Stressed Mummy

Dear Housing Department

Your stupid lies of three year waiting lists and 1 room temporary accommodation does not scare me. I have had my fill of ten years of private renting, it does not work, I cannot afford it, and I will not pay another feckless, useless, money grabber to live in a hovel. I have seen better appointed dog kennels frankly. How about you just find a little flat, maisonette or, preferably a house for me, Elder and the Bratlings to move into? As for telling em to go via Letting agents- yeah, when you pay £3000 of fees (most of which are non-refundable and reliant on you passing 3 credit and letting checks), I will surely do this. Plus, you can also pay the £1500+ to rent a place per month in Maidenhead.

Otherwise, put as much effort into helping us out as you do to making useless suggestions.

Prospective, poor-due-to-being-repeatedly-ripped-off Tenant.

Dear Eye-Brow Threading Lady

What the hell had peeved you off? I usually near on nod off during an eyebrow threading, not so today. I think you tore off my skin as well as the eyebrow hairs you were removing. You wondered why my eyes watered? Seriously. It was brutal.

Not-Going-To-Your-Chair Again

Dear St Ms Hospital

You still suck. Yes, Littlest's appointment was cancelled in JULY. So why wait until nearly NOVEMBER to try and re-arrange it? And don't ever, ever try and patronise me by referring to me as Mum. I am more than just Littlest's Mum, and your staff are pointless and rude, as well as wholly useless.

Bog off.
Ms C

Dear Ambulance Lady

Just because we have a car on the drive, it does not give you the right to tell me I should have driven Littlest to A+E instead. If you'd have asked, I don't drive, the car is SORN, and it doesn't start since Elder managed to lock the immobiliser on it.Don't ever try to insinuate that car ownership means Littlest doesn't deserve an ambulance when he can't breathe and is having a fit.

You suck too.
Littlest's Mummy

Dear Mini

Anyone for a Mini-Mani-Pedi?
Don't nick my nail polish again. I don't care how skilled you are at manicure and pedicures on yourself. I'm rubbish at doing mine and you have a steadier and than me at 4. So stop showing me up.

Ta, Love oo

PS, please remember you and your friends are bigger than Littlest, and don't knock him over again. I do not need any more injuries.

Dear Littlest

Please be well for at least a few weeks. I don't think my body can take much more illness. Seriously. It was so nice to see you run round the park, but then 3 days after you collapsed again. I just want you to be able to enjoy yourself.

Love oo too
PS stop saying arse.


  1. oi vey!! sounds like my landlord who told us to go take a vacation so they could come in and replace my rotting counter top and replace our kitchen floor. Like i can afford a vacation.... if i could i wouldn't be living in this place lol!

  2. Gosh I feel your pain, renting kills me too, tis a major shame!
    Hope your little boy feels better soon, 'argh' at patronising ambulance crew!


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