Parent's Need Love Too: Look After Yourself This Winter

I am writing this post as this week made me realise how rubbish I am at looking after my own health.

As a parent, you often put your own needs second to the kids, the house, the shopping and everything else. Christmas makes it worse as you're busy getting all the presents in.

In our house, we also have Littlest's health to keep an eye on as winter is when he is at his most vulnerable and often needs steroids to make him feel a little more human.

As usual, as soon as the end of the summer came along and the weather became more changeable, I started to get an annoying cough. I get these most times of the year when its chilly, and I just put up with it, save for the odd bottle of cough syrup.

Last year, it took months for my cough to go, and this year has been just as long, but more worryingly, I felt like I couldn't breathe. I also had no other flu or viral symptoms.

In the end, after Mums at the new school commented how long I'd had my cough and how ill I sounded, looking concerned, I made a GP appointment.

My problem is I have never had a good relationship with a GP, I usually feel fobbed off, or worse, feel like they feel I'm a time waster (this was down to one GP who, everytime I would go to see him, he would dismiss me with the argument I over worry things down to having had-not continued to have- depression when Littlest was born). So I avoid going where possible.

I am really pleased though that the new surgery are friendly and treat me with respect. They listen, and they don't expect you to fit into an allotted time for treatment.

It also turns out that I didn't have a simple cough. I have actual asthma.

I've probably had it for quite a while in fact, and I need to take inhalers.
To be fair, it seemed pretty obvious when the GP told me, as the clues were there and I should have picked them up- after all I've looked after Littlest's own lung issues for years!

It does make me peeved a little as I',m probably the healthiest I've been for ages. I have been walking everywhere, I've been eating less and I've dropped from a size 18 to a size 12/14.  I've not been following a faddy diet, I have still been eating chocolate and other things that diets tell you to cut out, just eating less and being sensible.

Its good that I now know as it was getting bloody scary walking and feeling like I was close to collapse.

With that in mind, parent's, carers, make sure you look after your own health this winter, its not being selfish, its being sensible, as if you get really ill you wont be able to look after anyone!

Putting yourself first is fine!

Is It Just Me: Who Finds the Idea to Force Feed Breast Feeding with a £200 Bribe a Farce?

Before I get the Breast/Bottle debate bullies going off on one in my comments, I have to stand up and remind you I did both. I breast fed one child, and formula fed the other. So I am well placed to approach this latest Government scam from both angles. So there. 

Its them there Tories again with their bullying tactics against us normal parent's and our rights to a choice again causing a storm of protest and angst on social media platforms. 

Currently, a trial of 130 women in South Yorkshire and Derbyshire is attempting to coerce new Mum's to breastfeed rather than bottle feed with the promise of £200 of John Lewis, Tesco and Poundland vouchers for taking part.

My thoughts?

It's a bribe. Pure and simple. No matter what your viewpoint on breast is best or formula feeding being right for your child, waving a metaphorical fishing line with £200 on it is tantamount to a bribe.

I also feel the scheme- even though it's only a test at the moment- is done with perhaps good intentions, as there is a massive divide depending on socio-economic factors whether a Mum decides to bottle or breast feed a child. However, with most Government schemes it falls at the first hurdle as it lacks proper thought and insight.

Firstly, take my situation.

I loved breastfeeding Mini. I loved the simplicity of being out, and having her wail for food, only to have to get my baps out and feed her in ten seconds flat (I had no worries sitting in public breastfeeding). I didn't have to go through all that bottle nonsense, all that sterilising, or checking it was warm enough, or going into a cafe and asking them to heat it for me. No, it was ready and waiting on call, 24/7.

Yes, I was woken up all the time, and couldn't share the load with Elder (he naturally supported my decision as he got no disturbed nights at all the swine). Yes, when her teeth came through, my poor nips started to resemble cheese graters. But I liked it, lost tones of weight, could stuff pizzas without a care in the world and bonded with my daughter from the off.

On the flip side, I tried to express my milk for Littlest in SCBU, but got nothing, zip, nada bar a tiny droplet before the milk factory closed for business due to unforseen early baby issues. 

I had no choice but to go to the dark side(!) and bottle feed him. I personally was under so much stress and worry at that time, I felt the utter pressure put on me by some of the staff in SCBU was completely out of order, I was made to feel awful by one old school Nurse as I was "letting him down" not trying harder. I tried so hard my boobs ached for days and were bruised. I even tried to get a 6 months off of Breast Mini to suck again to see if she could bring it on. 

I cannot imagine what I'd have felt like with this as well. No vouchers for me and my other SCBU buddies due to our babies being early- something we couldn't control, is hardly fair or justified. It will also mean that there is an even bigger divide between the on time Mummies and the SCBU Mummies. It wont help the sense of failure by any means that we are treated like these supposed "lazy" Mums who choose the bottle from the off.

And what of these "lazy" bottle Mums? 

What about their freedom to say, "you know what, I just gave my body for 9 months, I don't fancy that thanks". Do they not have the right to say that? 

What of these supposedly poorer families who they are mostly targeting with this? There are plenty of Mum's who may want to breastfeed but due to their family income rate may be unable to as they go straight back to work within weeks of giving birth. Why should they miss out?

Once again, the majority of those in the long term who will benefit from this scheme, should it become a nationwide thing, will be the middle to upper class Mum's who have the time and help needed to breastfeed.

The idea that a women who previously didn't want to breastfeed doing so for financial gain leaves a poor taste of selfishness in my mouth. I can see it causing angst and depression for those who can't breastfeed, and worry for those who try hard and hate it.

This is your baby, its your choice, and no amount of government bribe should force feed you to Breast Feed. 

Notes About Being a Prem Baby Parent

As many of you long term friends and readers know, Littlest was a 28 week premature baby. 

He is now 5, and he has health stuff down to being premature, like his lung problems, and his allergies, but I am never going to let it define him, or allow him to use his status as early as a reason to get a way with naughtiness.

Being early is not a badge you wear as a parent either, it's something which happened, and which you've dealt with.

The thing is, I know a few great Mum's whose babies where prems too. We don't dwell on it, we ask each other questions if there is something we feel they may have experienced, a new health quirk or a possible medication, that they may have knowledge of. 

All kids are hard work, they have their own individual quirks and foibles. Mini was bang on time, by section, or I think they'd have needed to smoke her out she was quite comfy in there, but I don't say "Oh, Mini can be a gobby cow and a bossy mare as she was on time". That would be ridiculous.

I feel it is the same with Littlest. He's not a bit naughty sometimes because he was early. He's just 5. That's what 5 year old boys are like. Little terrors.

Why have I chosen to write this?

Two reasons.

Firstly, I have been very kindly invited to Westminster and asked to talk about my experience as a Mum to a prem child. I have wracked my brain trying to think what to say, as I don't want to sound like I'm moaning, or being a bit "woe is me". 
I was lucky- I brought my child home, whereas plenty don't. I have a little boy who yes, has ongoing health problems, but it's part of life, you can't be given a receipt and take the child back can you? It's not like buying a faulty laptop and taking it back to PC World- "oh sorry, hospital, this one's a bit wonky, he's got crap lungs, and will keep me up night after night coughing (and with fear for at least the first 4 5 years), can I have a different one please?"

I will be in a room with someone I admire so much, who lost her child. Not even a year ago. What right do I have to stand up and say having a prem baby sucks when my prem baby is 5 and here and OK?

The other reason is simple. I simply hate those who do use the prem baby tag as an excuse to be badly behaved. That do use it for "woe is me" purposes.

I tried to explain on a blogging group earlier why a thread was removed to be met with abuse and patronising comments from a blogging member. Someone who I don't know, I've never to my knowledge met them. I suggested that if they didn't like it, they could leave. 

They did. Cool beans I thought, we can do without that in a group which is friendly.

Except they messaged me to be nasty, again. So I blocked them. I can't be doing with angst from others. I have enough of me own thanks.

So they messaged someone else and used the "I have a prem baby" thing, even sending a photo. 

Hate it. Really hate it. 

I couldn't do it personally. I know the other prem Mums I know would frown on it too.

If we let it define us, then what will happen to our prem child as they grow? They will face enough trials in life without having that tag front and centre all the time.

Yes, being a prem parent is hard. But isn't being a parent hard sometimes, full stop?

It's what makes the fun bits so much better, after all.

Need Advice on Routines? Live Stream Show with Dora and Jacqueline Harding

When I had Mini, way back in 2007, I went about parenting in a bohemian style. When she was sleepy, I let her nod off. When she wanted to be fed, she got it. 

However, pretty soon, I was knackered, with a fractious baby who would wake up all night and sleep all day. She was dozy, hard to manage (trust me, we started to think she had extra sensitive smell as without fail the moment I picked up a fork, a sandwich or even a cup of coffee, she would immediately want feeding) and had me tearing my hair out. 

Then we moved from Kent to Berkshire when she was 6 months old and started to wean her. That was hard too as she was so out of sync with the rest of the world, she just didn't take to it.

My far wiser sister in law stepped in and decreed what this baby needed was a routine and fast. She had sworn by it with her two children as babies, and it had not failed her. Stick to a time to go in the bath, a time for a feed, a time for bed, and it'll happen.

The first night was horror filled. Mini cried for two hours straight. I'm not talking whimpering sobs, I'm talking blood curdling, screams so fierce I felt sure of two things: I was a crap Mummy and the Police must be on their way soon.

Happily, it got easier.

I'm sure I'm not the only one though who finds routines a nightmare and wonders if they are necessary.

That's where this live show comes in, with expert advice from Jacqueline Harding.

Covering newborns to child led activities, and the milestones in between, you can leave a question for Jacqueline in advice of the show here, which takes place on Monday from 12pm (and you can watch it below).

With the holidays coming up, you may want to know whether you should structure the 6 week break, or simply follow the lead of the children. Is there a set time for teaching kids the subjects which will get them ahead of the pack at school, or is it simply better to leave studying in the classroom?

All those topics are available to be covered, so don't be shy, ask a question!

Is It Just Me: Who Thinks Its One Rule for the Cams And One Rule For Everyone Else?

You may remember my post questioning why Anthony Worrall-Thompson was allowed to get away with 6 incidents of shoplifting from his local supermarket before anyone called the Police.


At the time, I pondered why being in a privileged position as a celebrity chef equalled getting away with a crime that Joe Bloggs would have been arrested over straight away.


Well, once again, a position of privilege means yet another famous face gets away with something a normal person like you or I would have been in all sorts of trouble over. Its not just any famous face either- its David Cameron and his wife Samantha.

Am I the Meanest Mother...Ever?

.....Mini seems to think so.


As you'll recall from my last post, Mini and her diva like behaviour (making me nickname her Mariah and/or Cher Lloyd depending on the mood at the time) has become such a concern even her teacher, Mrs C, has remarked upon it (and its effect on her education. Not to mention her classmates hearing).


It was decided, between Elder and I that action was needed to curb this, as frankly my head cannot take any more headache inducing screeching.