Am I the Meanest Mother...Ever?

.....Mini seems to think so.


As you'll recall from my last post, Mini and her diva like behaviour (making me nickname her Mariah and/or Cher Lloyd depending on the mood at the time) has become such a concern even her teacher, Mrs C, has remarked upon it (and its effect on her education. Not to mention her classmates hearing).


It was decided, between Elder and I that action was needed to curb this, as frankly my head cannot take any more headache inducing screeching.

The Dreaded Parents Evening

As you'd expect when one of the children starts school, there are a lot of new things, firsts, to contend with.


There are new friends, new classes, new routines, and then there is one that I feel most parents dread- parents evening.

Ed the Littler is crazy- FACT!

On this blog, Mini has become quite the star of the show (or blog). Ed the Littler doesn't get many blog entries dedicated to him, but today here's one just about him!

He is crazy.

If The Boy (as we have taken to referring to him as) at 15 months is this mad now, I really do think he will have an ASBO by 2.

He is not a happy chappy at the moment at all, and there's no reason for it.

I checked to see if he was teething, but he has no pointy bits in his gums, and is dribbling just as much as normal. He has no rashes, colds, or illnesses of any kind. He still has his naps, and has the appetite of a 15 year old.

But still, my formerly happy boy is not happy at all.

He doesn't like bears, so unlike when Mini used to throw strops and we used to have Teddy White (and still do) as a good tantrum tamer, not so with The Boy.

The only things that appear to make him happy, and give respite in the screeching and banging of fists, feet and head on the floor, is biting, pinching and hair pulling, inflicted on us all, or wanton destruction of furniture- a chair which he kept knocking over fell to pieces earlier. He managed to pinch a whole tub of Nesquik and pour that over the floor this afternoon while I was spooning some into a bottle.

Things like this make him fall about laughing. That and throwing toys, phones and the remote down the back of the sofa.

I have no idea. He seems to be marginally more keen on his Daddy so he is trying to keep him calm.

The Boy says Dad dad dad all day long. He can say Duck, Bath, Buh (for bottle) and get. But he refuses to say Mum, Mummy, or Ma.  Its quite annoying actually to have an empty bottle smacked in your face, followed by this terror tot telling you to get, followed by Brmm Brrm, as if to say "Come on love get to it". And the demonic looks he pulls as well.

If he carries on I shall be grey in a fortnight. My Elizabeth Arden cream and anti wrinkle stuff can't cope.

Tips would be much appreciated. Or better still, a straight jacket.......

Missing: Two Well Behaved Children!

I would like to know what happened?

It would seem that almost overnight on Boxing Day, both Edward and Mini went to bed, as usual. Both had their dinner, their baths and their jammies in in exactly the same way as usual.

But instead of waking up at 7ish in the usual way, and sitting on the sofa with the drinks for a good half hour before playing, both woke up in the foulest moods ever.

Don't get me wrong- they have had days like this before, when they wake up and you start to think that alien forces have been in and replaced your normal child with a screaming banshee. But this generally happens once in a blue moon and never to the both of them at once.

Since Christmas though, they have both been complete nutcases.

Obviously, I thought that what with Christmas being so exciting that they were tired out, and would be fine in a couple of days.

Hell no!

They have completely gone pyscho on me, and at the worst possible time.

You see, the "not eating crisps, biscuits and sweets" (actually strike that anything edible) diet thing has started. And as a result, my usual happy nature is that of a 60 a day smoker who has given up after 20 years. Yeah, notgreat.

I really have not got the energy or where with all to put up with both of them spitting and fighting.

Edward,, he who is usually the better behaved of the two, has completely flipped. He will now go back and forth like a goldfish up on the sofa, throwing stuff down the back, nearly falling off or over the sofa, climbing on the coffee table- in fact I think if he could reach the light fitting he'd swing off it. He has also decided he loves nothing more than peeing his sister off royally, in anyway he can.

This can be pulling great lumps of her hair, dribbling on her, knocking her off the potty, or stealing her food when she gets distracted by the gerbils or the TV.

She, on the other hand, has up the ante of Mini strops.

Now not content with just crying when told no, or told off, we have cataclysmic screams, heard probably as far as the outer reaches of Scotland. The naughty step has seen that much use, the carpet on that step is threadbare. I've taken to putting her in her room to calm down, but all that happens is even louder screaming until Ed the Elder has enough and brings her down. At which point she goes and smacks her brother for whatever caused the vitriolic outburst in the first place.

One screams, the other immediately follows.

I thought we had reached a break through yesterday evening when Mini actually managed to wee on the potty- but now everytime I try and get her to repeat it, she asks for ice cream- I now think she was so distracted by eating her cone she didn't remember she was sat on the hated potty in the first place. She was given a set of big girl knicks (her words, not mine) from her Aunty. Her son was dry at 2-mines nearly 3 and hopeless at the potty.  So I put her in a pair this morning. Edward meanwhile is in love with the potty (hence why he pushes her off it), and will happily have a go at weeing on it to. What did Mini do- took the knickers down and peed on the floor. Pulled the knickers back up for a final dribble, then told me "want Nappy" in her Dalek sounding whiny voice. And no, I'm not a fan of Doctor Who, I do not find this cute.

At that point, I gladly went to Sainsburys.

Talking of which, I read an interesting related story on the BBC text service.

Apparently, a lady was in her local Supermarket, near me in High Wycombe. With her was her two year old son, and as is a child's custom the child was being a brat.

But another woman was so annoyed by this child's crying, she first told the mother off for not shutting her child up. When the mother did what any mother would do (eg tell her to get knotted or words to that effect), the woman shouted in the two year old ear, then slapped him round the face!

The Police are now hunting for her.

So, how is my diet going?

Crap. I have nearly given up, tow days in.

I cannot seem to not eat sweets or crisps, so am resigned to having to do scary aerobics and other forms of exercise to shed pounds in the hope I can still stuff myself with nice food.

On the plus side, after the Baileys incident, I'm off booze, so that's one vice gone!

FIGHT!!!!

My living room has become a boxing ring.

Or so my children seem to think anyway.

In the last week I have had to break up more fights than I think Frank Warren ever has.

It starts off usually when Chrissy wants to give Edward a cuddle. He will be quite happily lying on his tummy, playing with a toy or just stopping mid crawl to look at random stuff, when suddenly Chrissy will decide she wants to give him a kiss and hug. That may not sound too mean, but unfortunately she's like a fairy elephant. She comes and grabs him round the neck and lies on top of the poor boy. And the more he wiggles and squirms and cries, the more she tries to hug him.

Then, the boy gets angry, and pulls her hair. So she gets annoyed and slaps him.

The next thing you know, its like two cats rolling around pulling and biting and kicking at one another, screeching and shouting as well. Chrissy shouts "No Ed no baby", thinking this makes a difference to my poor son! He just looks at me as if to say "get her off me!".

Now, the fighting is one thing, but I find it really hard to explain to Chrissy that she is being bad for wanting to be affectionate-this is the child who kissed no one for 6 months. But all of a sudden, she loves to give kisses and hugs. She even insisted the other day that she wouldn't go to bed until she kissed guests that were in the house.

At the same time, my poor son is in danger of serious injury! That and he has had such a gutful of her and her strange way, that he is now, at just over one, learning to fight her.

Its not just due to the over snuggles, as I call them. Its now toys too. If he wants something, or if she pinches something he was playing with, then he pulls her hair. So she fights back. Its a vicious cycle.

I of course expected the odd scrap, but not until they got older, at least school age, but no, my kids are looking at being boxers early.

I think I'll go referee now......

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