Its the time of year when the nights are drawing in and the threat of epic snow is merely a coca cola Christmas Advert away, and that means the X Factor is back.
Now, I love a bit of X Factor. Not for the traditional entertainment, oh no. I love it as it means I can sit with a gin and tonic, some home made shortbread and settle in for some Twitter comedy. I love retweeting others witty comments and am lucky enough to gauge the mood enough to get some retweets myself.
After many years watching, even though I've not entered myself (as the title suggests), I feel I have some rules to help those, on average deluded souls to not end up comedy value on Twitter.
* Do NOT dress like you've run through a Charity Shop in the Dark.
Some people don't even need to open their mouths to strangle a rendition of a Beyonce tune before they exude comedy possibilities from every pour. Day-Glo, big scary hair, dressing in anything other than sensible clothing which fits and is clean is just a no, frankly.
* Do Not bring in a picture of your sodding cat
What. The.Hell. I thought he was Mickey Flannigan taking the piss. Who does that?
* Do not be over confident if you're not that good.
Kingsland are a prime example of this. They were pretty crap, no doubt that's why they are being touted as the next Wand Erection. Cos they are shite too.
* DO NOT SODDING CRY
No, just don't, it makes me wish for a trapdoor to open beneath you. I don't care if it's your dream, I don't care if your Nan says you are amazing, if it's a no, have some bloody self respect. Ditto begging.
* Have respect for the Judges (apart from Scherzy)
Gary Barlow is a multi-award winning legend. Sharon gave us (after pinching them off her Dad) Black Sabbath. Louis....well,yes he gave us some crap Irish bands but they did well. So don't slag them off when they say no, these people know their stuff.
* Do not believe it when Sherzy gives you a Shermazing
This is the woman who gave us Doncha' and basically we all know that Pussycat Dolls did well because teenage boys were perving over their cd sleeves. Or fat chavs were trying to look all come hither (bleugh) to their spotty other half (double bleugh). The woman is a glorified Stripper. End of.
* Do Not bring half your flipping family with you
If you want a family outing, go to a zoo, go to a pub, but do not enter the X Factor and then crowd around like its a bus station.
*Do have a USP
Not a sob story. Be different, if you aren't doing your own song, funk up someone elses and make it your own
So, there we are, and I must say I'm glad we've not had any repeats of Nan Gate like last year (yet). I do miss Tulisa though, I'd have rather she stayed and Nicole went, purely because I bet Gaz and Sharon would have made mice meat out of her (and I now keep having Littlest ask me where she is every time the show is on).
Who are you tipping for the top (and thus instant obscurity?) Let me know below
Showing posts with label rules. Show all posts
Showing posts with label rules. Show all posts
Monday, 16 September 2013
Thursday, 18 July 2013
Mini and the Shoes
By now, if you read this blog regularly, you'll have gathered I'm not the biggest fan of the Brat's school. Don't get me wrong, it's not a failing school, it's not falling apart, it's rated outstanding by those Ofsted lot.
No, I fear it's something that is becoming epidemic in schools who are proud of their outstanding status and who will do anything to protect it.
It's called "Head Up Own Arse" syndrome.
No, I fear it's something that is becoming epidemic in schools who are proud of their outstanding status and who will do anything to protect it.
It's called "Head Up Own Arse" syndrome.
Monday, 3 January 2011
New Year, New Mum, New Me
Here, in a mantra akin to the ten commandments, but not in anyway religious, is my "Rules to Live By" for 2011.
Enjoy, and feel free to use them yourself too!
RULE 1:Thou Shalt Chill the Hell Out
Seriously, I am highly strung (guess you may have known that by now), and at Christmas, I found myself getting really annoyed with Elder, to the point where, without even thinking through my objections, I shouted that he was selfish and self centred, and didn't care what I thought. You know, girls, usual hissy fit related stuff!
But then, when I'd finished, Elder asked me what my objections actually were, well I was stumped. I had no idea what my problem actually was. Which kind of achieved two things. Firstly, I felt like a right muppet. And secondly I reassessed during a sleepless night about why things get to me so much.
Now, I still have no idea why they do, but I think I over process things and reach a conclusion which is completely left of field. Elsewise I don't think at all, but take things how I think they sound and end up in all heaps of situations I 'd rather have not been in.
Hence I shall chill out, and relax a whole heap.
And this includes not giving in to the kids for fear of old ladies tutting in shops. I need to learn to say no, or my house will explode due to too many clothes, shoes and toys. They need me to as they take everything for granted so much now that they break stuff and think it'll be replaced. Enough!
RULE 2: Thou Shalt Not Eat the Food Intake of a Small Country to Myself
I am so unhealthy. I eat too much, I boredom eat (I really hate Elder, cos when he is stressed he doesn't eat), I eat crap food. I have fallen into the Mum's Two Dinners trap of snaffling food off the kids plates and then having a meal myself later on. As a result, the old bod is looking a bit off. So, I am determined to be better and exercise control!
RULE 3: Thou Shalt Not Get Cabs Everywhere
I have gotten lazy- I find it easier just to go hail a taxi than walk up the hill. Its a 15 minute walk so its not miles. I reserve the right however to get a Taxi if its snows badly!
RULE 4: Thou Shalt Let Myself be Spoiled
I am really bad at excepting gifts. Elder asked if I'd like a Laptop for Christmas, to which I replied "no, cos they cost loads". How crap is that! I also feel bad for buying clothes, and always have this little feeling like I could be buying stuff for the kids or food. As Elder pointed out to me, we are far from destitute, our cupboards are always full. So, if I like something, I'm going to buy it, I'm not going to settle for the cheaper version, or wait until one comes up on Freecycle (in about two years). I'm going to buy myself a gift!
RULE 5: Thou Shalt Not Live By Take Out Alone
See, now this is the big one. I love take away, we have some great ones round these parts. Its tasty, its easy, its so bloomin' bad for me! And I can cook! So why am I eating crap? Laziness, reader, laziness of the highest order. My cook books have been dusted off, and from now on, no crap food. The end of my love affair is here. And also, because we ate crap, the kids started to want to eat rubbish too, and thats shocking. So, restaurant menus are in my Recycling Bin.
RULE 6: Thou Shalt Learn a New Skill
I am learning to play guitar. Have a;ways wanted to, and after Elder got a guitar from a friend for fixing his PC, I've got no excuse.
RULE 7: Thou Shalt Try Harder
Question. if you want something in life, how'd you go about getting it? Wait for it to land in your lap, or go after it? Well, I know what I want, I want my first by-line. Not fussed where, but I am going to go after it with bells on. I'm going to submit article ideas. I am going to write like my fingers are going to fall off. I want it so bad, so I have to try like I want it so bad too!
RULE 8: Thou Shalt Be More Gracious
Yeah the whole not going to Cybermummy thing, well, the idea I'd miss out on you guys was a bit of a tear jerker. I love you guys! So I am very lucky to be being sponsored by the lovely people at Maclaren to go along again. And if I do happen to be nominated for stuff, its cos you guys are the greatest and most loyal bunch, ever, and to take your kind votes and turn my back would be pretty rubbish. So, bring on The MADS and all that stuff. Bring on trying to win my Gurgle again. Bring the whole lot on!
RULE 9: Thou Shalt Not Just Read Chick Lit
My brain is turning to mush quicker than Aunty Mabel loses Pippin on Come Outside. I need to stop just watching re-runs of Friends and watching Glee. I even found myself hooked on Eastenders and Corrie, which I swore I'd never watch.And I need to stop buying books which promote nothing but "Girl is nerd, boy in office is hot and she likes him, he never notices her, she gets a new look, he suddenly likes her. The End". What sort of message is that? I've been with Elder 11 years this year, and we still aren't married.
I want to watch films which I learn from, and read books which make you question the whole of a characters psyche. I want to read the classics and start reading Shakespeare and poetry again. I will buy stuff I can learn from!
RULE 10: Thou Shalt Ask If I want a Day Off
I really love my sisters in law, they rock. But even after 11 years, I still find it really hard to ask them to babysit. Consequently, we went out as a couple, all night without either of the Bratlings once last year. Which doesn't do much for a relationship. But its my own fault! I will ask them more often!
So, there they are!
Enjoy, and feel free to use them yourself too!
RULE 1:Thou Shalt Chill the Hell Out
Seriously, I am highly strung (guess you may have known that by now), and at Christmas, I found myself getting really annoyed with Elder, to the point where, without even thinking through my objections, I shouted that he was selfish and self centred, and didn't care what I thought. You know, girls, usual hissy fit related stuff!
But then, when I'd finished, Elder asked me what my objections actually were, well I was stumped. I had no idea what my problem actually was. Which kind of achieved two things. Firstly, I felt like a right muppet. And secondly I reassessed during a sleepless night about why things get to me so much.
Now, I still have no idea why they do, but I think I over process things and reach a conclusion which is completely left of field. Elsewise I don't think at all, but take things how I think they sound and end up in all heaps of situations I 'd rather have not been in.
Hence I shall chill out, and relax a whole heap.
And this includes not giving in to the kids for fear of old ladies tutting in shops. I need to learn to say no, or my house will explode due to too many clothes, shoes and toys. They need me to as they take everything for granted so much now that they break stuff and think it'll be replaced. Enough!
RULE 2: Thou Shalt Not Eat the Food Intake of a Small Country to Myself
I am so unhealthy. I eat too much, I boredom eat (I really hate Elder, cos when he is stressed he doesn't eat), I eat crap food. I have fallen into the Mum's Two Dinners trap of snaffling food off the kids plates and then having a meal myself later on. As a result, the old bod is looking a bit off. So, I am determined to be better and exercise control!
RULE 3: Thou Shalt Not Get Cabs Everywhere
I have gotten lazy- I find it easier just to go hail a taxi than walk up the hill. Its a 15 minute walk so its not miles. I reserve the right however to get a Taxi if its snows badly!
RULE 4: Thou Shalt Let Myself be Spoiled
I am really bad at excepting gifts. Elder asked if I'd like a Laptop for Christmas, to which I replied "no, cos they cost loads". How crap is that! I also feel bad for buying clothes, and always have this little feeling like I could be buying stuff for the kids or food. As Elder pointed out to me, we are far from destitute, our cupboards are always full. So, if I like something, I'm going to buy it, I'm not going to settle for the cheaper version, or wait until one comes up on Freecycle (in about two years). I'm going to buy myself a gift!
RULE 5: Thou Shalt Not Live By Take Out Alone
See, now this is the big one. I love take away, we have some great ones round these parts. Its tasty, its easy, its so bloomin' bad for me! And I can cook! So why am I eating crap? Laziness, reader, laziness of the highest order. My cook books have been dusted off, and from now on, no crap food. The end of my love affair is here. And also, because we ate crap, the kids started to want to eat rubbish too, and thats shocking. So, restaurant menus are in my Recycling Bin.
RULE 6: Thou Shalt Learn a New Skill
I am learning to play guitar. Have a;ways wanted to, and after Elder got a guitar from a friend for fixing his PC, I've got no excuse.
RULE 7: Thou Shalt Try Harder
Question. if you want something in life, how'd you go about getting it? Wait for it to land in your lap, or go after it? Well, I know what I want, I want my first by-line. Not fussed where, but I am going to go after it with bells on. I'm going to submit article ideas. I am going to write like my fingers are going to fall off. I want it so bad, so I have to try like I want it so bad too!
RULE 8: Thou Shalt Be More Gracious
Yeah the whole not going to Cybermummy thing, well, the idea I'd miss out on you guys was a bit of a tear jerker. I love you guys! So I am very lucky to be being sponsored by the lovely people at Maclaren to go along again. And if I do happen to be nominated for stuff, its cos you guys are the greatest and most loyal bunch, ever, and to take your kind votes and turn my back would be pretty rubbish. So, bring on The MADS and all that stuff. Bring on trying to win my Gurgle again. Bring the whole lot on!
RULE 9: Thou Shalt Not Just Read Chick Lit
My brain is turning to mush quicker than Aunty Mabel loses Pippin on Come Outside. I need to stop just watching re-runs of Friends and watching Glee. I even found myself hooked on Eastenders and Corrie, which I swore I'd never watch.And I need to stop buying books which promote nothing but "Girl is nerd, boy in office is hot and she likes him, he never notices her, she gets a new look, he suddenly likes her. The End". What sort of message is that? I've been with Elder 11 years this year, and we still aren't married.
I want to watch films which I learn from, and read books which make you question the whole of a characters psyche. I want to read the classics and start reading Shakespeare and poetry again. I will buy stuff I can learn from!
RULE 10: Thou Shalt Ask If I want a Day Off
I really love my sisters in law, they rock. But even after 11 years, I still find it really hard to ask them to babysit. Consequently, we went out as a couple, all night without either of the Bratlings once last year. Which doesn't do much for a relationship. But its my own fault! I will ask them more often!
So, there they are!
Wednesday, 13 October 2010
Do Bloggers Need a Code of Conduct?
Following on from my post asking whether there were rules to blogging, and after another discussion at Blogger.ed, do we need a Bloggers Code of Conduct, a Mission statement for all bloggers?
In recent weeks, we've seen some stories of how Bloggers either individually, or as a group, have been, in their opinion, poorly treated by a PR company, or due to a brand being difficult.
More and more bloggers are being invited to take part in more and more events. But things differ between event.
Some Bloggers complain that all events seem to take place in London, and its true, I don't think I've ever been invited to an event anywhere else, apart from a site visit in Hatfield.
Some complain about the short notice that Bloggers, either Northern or Southern, get about events. This is annoying being that we are all Mums and Dads, either who must take a day off work or organise childcare.
Plus theres travel- do you ask for your travel to be covered, or will that make the PR or brand think you're being to graspy? If the PR or Brand involved offers to pay travel, do you ask for only part in case they feel its too expensive?
In light of what has humorously come to be known as GravyGate, is it ever exceptable to mail shot as many Bloggers as you can find contact details for, only to cherry pick who comes at the last minute, when more than you have the budget for say they can come?
So, what do businesses do in a situation to ensure they treat their customers the right way, and what they expect in return?
They have a Mission Statement, or a Customer Charter.
Whilst it would get highly confusing for all bloggers and PRs and Brands to go off merrily and write their own list of dos, don't and expectations, it would become a diverse minefield.
What we need is to get a group together, and pitch what each sector would like to do and how they'd ideally like to be treated in return.
Such as timescales- if a brand sends out a product for review, should they be allowed a reasonable time in which they can expect a review to be posted or an event to be mentioned?
Do Bloggers want more say on how late is too late to be invited to an event?
Should there be a universal travel expenses amount, say 50% for PRs or brads to reimburse Bloggers?
Social Media, in the form we use it, is still relatively new, so maybe rather than Bloggers becoming angry with or disillusioned with PRs and Brands, and these then alienating themselves from Bloggers who can mutually help one another, a charter needs to exist, agreed for and made up by all sides, to make everything run just that little bit smoother.
Then we need never have a gravygate scenario ever again!
In recent weeks, we've seen some stories of how Bloggers either individually, or as a group, have been, in their opinion, poorly treated by a PR company, or due to a brand being difficult.
More and more bloggers are being invited to take part in more and more events. But things differ between event.
Some Bloggers complain that all events seem to take place in London, and its true, I don't think I've ever been invited to an event anywhere else, apart from a site visit in Hatfield.
Some complain about the short notice that Bloggers, either Northern or Southern, get about events. This is annoying being that we are all Mums and Dads, either who must take a day off work or organise childcare.
Plus theres travel- do you ask for your travel to be covered, or will that make the PR or brand think you're being to graspy? If the PR or Brand involved offers to pay travel, do you ask for only part in case they feel its too expensive?
So, what do businesses do in a situation to ensure they treat their customers the right way, and what they expect in return?
They have a Mission Statement, or a Customer Charter.
Whilst it would get highly confusing for all bloggers and PRs and Brands to go off merrily and write their own list of dos, don't and expectations, it would become a diverse minefield.
What we need is to get a group together, and pitch what each sector would like to do and how they'd ideally like to be treated in return.
Such as timescales- if a brand sends out a product for review, should they be allowed a reasonable time in which they can expect a review to be posted or an event to be mentioned?
Do Bloggers want more say on how late is too late to be invited to an event?
Should there be a universal travel expenses amount, say 50% for PRs or brads to reimburse Bloggers?
Social Media, in the form we use it, is still relatively new, so maybe rather than Bloggers becoming angry with or disillusioned with PRs and Brands, and these then alienating themselves from Bloggers who can mutually help one another, a charter needs to exist, agreed for and made up by all sides, to make everything run just that little bit smoother.
Then we need never have a gravygate scenario ever again!
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