Earley, Erisea and Is It Just Me Goes Sindicated

Its been nearly two weeks since we moved to Earley and we are all settling in well. The whole school thing is still a giant pain in the arse (petrol usually costs us £20 a week. Last week, it cost £60), but we knew that was going to be the case so there's not much we can do.

I did ring the admissions people on Friday to check they'd had our forms, and they got them on the 27th. However, due to some old timey rules (clearly thought of prior to the invention of the bloody internet) whereby they feel schools still communicate via carrier pigeon, the form wasn't put onto the system for a week after as only school term days count within the 20 day period. Even if they find a school place they make you wait the full 20 days to hear about it, which will end up taking us until a week before school ends for the year down to it not being 20 days at all.

When I explained to the guy on the phone that Littlest missed school Friday as he was knackered, and the cost involved (at a time when I've just had to hand over a vast sum of money to move here), he was less than bothered or helpful. He sounded like the Computer Says No character from Little Britain. His helpful advice was to keep them off for the duration. Except he then helpfully (not) pointed out we'd be fined a ridiculous amount per day per child. 

Anyway, this aside the area is still great, cheaper shops, better quality of life. There seems to be a centre of the universe round here that is the local park. 

On Sunday there was a great live music Family Fun Day which ended at a sensible time of 6pm. We saw some brilliant live local bands there of all ages and types. Next weekend is a charity football tournament where local businesses and the uni have been encouraged to put teams together to celebrate the World Cup kicking off Reading style.

I'm finding we don't need to venture into Reading town centre either (which is good as parking there is crazy expensive) as what we need is on the doorstep or a 2 minute drive (when we don't get lost) to Morrisons and the outlet centres.

We have found some bloody ace second hand shops as well, there are 3 on our high street and one nearer to Morrisons where records are 85p each and they'll go out the back and find more if you ask nicely.

Next on the agenda is Erisea magazine, a new venture I am chuffed to be a part of with Chelsea Ms Mummy and Erika Holt. Its an online magazine that talks to you like a grown up, with a mixture of parenting, beauty and advice written by some top contributors.

I am over there with my "Is It Just Me" strand- don't worry, its not going from here! It'll still be here too but slightly more sweary versions will be over at Erisea, or things I feel don't fit here.

You can find my posts at Erisea at http://erisea-mag.com/is-it-just-me/

I'm now patiently waiting for the annual escape from the family expedition otherwise known as Britmums Live. I am actually bringing reliable tech this time so keep a look out for my instagrams and tweets and the like. 

Whatever you're up to, enjoy your week :)

If Only CVs Were More Creative and Not Full of Boring Stuff

I happened to be sitting in the car with Elder today, not up to much other than mooching and moaning about the fact we are still living in flipping Maidenhead, when Don Mclean's American Pie came on Magic FM.

Now, I'd like to reassure everyone who thinks of me as a cool, down with the kids young thing that I prefer to listen to Kiss in the car but Elder turns it off as it's "noise" and "chav" (ahem), but it made me voice the opinion that, my knowledge of the whole lyrics to the full version of American Pie (and not the shite Madonna version), is such a skill, it should, by rights be on my CV.

Which Elder said was daft, but then he would as he has no lyric remembering skills whatsoever.

It then made me think, as I am starting jobhunting (well, I've never really stopped, its just that kids, and moving and the like meant a hiatus), that perhaps if you could add in other unusual skills, rather than just, as in most cases, lie blatantly (not me. No siree. Cough), it may help your possible employer build a better picture of you as a more rounded individual.

After all, the jobsmarket is such that 500 people apply for the same Tesco shelf stacking jobs, so, maybe a like-ability factor would be handy?

Here is my, better, and more honest CV. Let me know your version, and feel free to link in the comments.

Name: Claire
Age: Nearly 32, but still get asked for id quite a bit so can pass for about 18. 

Lives: A nomadic, boho lifestyle moving from one place to another to seek out a Landlord who is not a tosser and a house that is not kept together through sellotape and willpower alone.

Skills: 
Can stay awake despite having no more than 2 hours sleep a night in the last 7 years and function quite admirably via coffee.
Pretty good at having more than three windows open at once on my shaky old laptop, using Twitter, Facebook and blogging all at once
Knows how to Google stuff and doesn't always rely on the first page or Wikipedia
Knows all the lyrics to Don Mclean's American Pie (the 12 inch version) and can remember lyrics to any song, even crap ones my daughter listens to, after one play.

Previous Employment: Erm, well, actually, I have been bringing up small people for a few years now. That may not be paid (accept Elder giving me cash to piss off to Primark for the morning for new clothes when I moan of having naff all to wear), but if Children are the Future, as was so well sung by Whitney(before the crack), then I have provided more to the nation, if not the world, by giving it two, well, OK behaved children (although apologies for Mini liking Wand Erection. She'll grow out of it).
I have been helping at The Shop, which means I also give back to old folks too. That and bagsy some nice bits and bobs, thus you may add thrift to my skills too.
Before Brats, I worked in shops. That sucked a bit, I always had right mean bosses with spots and questionable personal hygiene levels. I also did a Management course.

Education: Yeah, about that. If you are from Kent, I may have gone to Robert Napier, but, if you've heard of it, I didn't really, I went to the posh girls Grammar School (for one year). I got shiny GCSE grades. I even got two As. And it wasn't in childcare. And I didn't leave seconds before giving birth. I'd never even had a snog when I left. 

Personal Statement: You see, you may look at me as a Mum, who has sat on my backside, flicking between Jeremy Kyle and Cbeebies whilst smoking fags and doing nothing more strenuous than scratching my arse. But, you'd be wrong. I have worked my butt off to give my other half, who is no easy fecker to live with, two beautiful children, with good manners and food which has yet to kill him (yet). I have not watched much Cbeebies (no talent to watch whatsoever, I'm not desperate enough to fancy Mr Maker, and don't get me started on Mr Tumble), I have run a pretty OK for a poorly educated girl from the Medway Towns (the posh bit, not the Street Wars bit) blog, still managed to do the laundry, keep abreast of politics (even though its dull) and my children are clean and tidy. Well, Mini is, the boy is a magnet to filth within ten seconds. I may not have loads of qualifications, but I have life skills. I wont ring in sick cos I've been out twerking at the local disco high on Miaow Miaow all night, I wont write an important report in text speak, and I wont, at any point, wear arse shorts even though my arse is too big for them in the workplace, scaring all the customers away. 

No.

I will be the best darn employee ever. Or until I get bored and leave for bigger things.

References: Yep, I have these, it may be me putting on a posh voice or it may, just for a change, be my other half, but you'll get one.

Contact: well, as above I can't give my telephone number, so its probably best to get me on Twitter, @TheLazyGirlBlog. I'm always on there, much better than Jeremy Kyle any day.

5 Songs Meme

See, now, I may be the resident blogger to have on your quiz team for the music round, but these musical memes always require lots of thought on my part. Having a vast jukebox instead of a brain isn't always a good thing when it comes time to pick songs for a meme. I love lots of songs, but, as I mused on Google+ yesterday, I wouldn't necessarily advocate living life by Peaches, by The Stranglers, or Bike by Pink Floyd.

Q&A An indepth interview with, erm, me.

The very funny Nickie (or should that be Nickle?) over at Typecast (one of my MADS tips) has tagged me to answer some in depth questions about myself. So being the self absorbed person I am (hey, aren't all bloggers self absorbed? We write on the net about our lives.....) here are my well thought out answers.......

The Bucket List, How Much Have I Failed!?

It will be my 29th birthday on the 10th of February, and seen as its the last year of my twenties, I've been doing a bit of a life laundry.

After going through some draws in a cabinet I've had for literally years, I found an old notebook, which apart from being covered in stickers, and song lyrics, had some silly observations and lists.

These lists were from when I was 18, some before and some after meeting Elder. I was always making lists and writing things down, observations on life, things that were troubling me. I suppose it was the original of this very blog and my Twitter usage but with a pen and paper!

One list that stuck out was "Things I am Going to Do Way Before I am 30".

I do in fact remember, vaguely, writing it, in the middle of a rather boozy evening with Elder and another friend.

On this list were things which in some cases were very silly, but in others quite achievable, but it was obviously in this notebook along with everything else and forgotten about.

The list includes:

•  Read an Important book, like 1984 or War and Peace

This I actually tried to do, not that long after making the list. I borrowed War and Peace from my library, read about 2 chapters. And found it so inherently borrowing I couldn't bear to try and read anymore. I did, however, read the Godfather series one after another. And One Flew Over the Cuckoos Nest. And Animal Farm (which was amazing!). So, whilst 1984 and War and Peace had been swapped for these other titles, I like to think the replacements have been from the modern classic shelf.

• Go abroad

No, haven't managed that! I'm not entirely sure why, I would love to blame the kids, however being that we've been together 11 years and Mini is not even 4 yet, its sheer laziness on my part. That and the idea of getting on a plane scares me. My lovely Sister in law is hoping to move to Italy, which is somewhere I'd love to go to, so finally I'd have no excuse with free accommodation!

• Go to a Festival/see a live band that isn't Petburger

Petburger, by the way, were a local band, and admittedly they were very good. In fact, their lead singer went onto form a new band and got a new name, ad has since been on the NME Cool List, and supported some quite well known bands including the Charlatans. However, I had never seen anyone remotely famous (at the time Petburger's claim to fame was that my sister had snogged not one but two of the three members), or been to a festival. Since the list being made, I have been to Bug Jam 2003, I saw Take That in 2009, and of course last year I went to Camp Bestival. So that's a big fat tick for that one!

• Get so drunk I can't remember my own name

Yes, that's right, I was 18 when I wrote this list, and obviously at 18 drunkenness was such a new thing it rated highly. Whilst I haven't got as drunk as that (and lets face it, who has?) I have had some great nights and times which have involved drinking!

• Grow an appreciation of drink other than Lambrini

I can't even imagine drinking Lambrini now, instead I like a nice glass of Echo Falls Rose. Much more refined!

• Go to a House club

I think this may have come out because at the time I listened to nothing other than Nirvana and Foo Fighters, and Elder was a fan of dance music. Whilst I haven't been to a house club, I do love a bit of funky house, and have a wider range of music that I enjoy now. Cheers Elder!

• Get married

Nope. Not going there! But I do have my babies a a consolation prize!

So, whilst I haven't achieved all of these (there were more but far too silly ones), I have a year left. So, fingers crossed I'll sort the rest out.

New Year, New Mum, New Me

Here, in a mantra akin to the ten commandments, but not in anyway religious, is my "Rules to Live By" for 2011. 


Enjoy, and feel free to use them yourself too!


RULE 1:Thou Shalt Chill the Hell Out


Seriously, I am highly strung (guess you may have known that by now), and at Christmas, I found myself getting really annoyed with Elder, to the point where, without even thinking through my objections, I shouted that he was selfish and self centred, and didn't care what I thought. You know, girls, usual hissy fit related stuff!
But then, when I'd finished, Elder asked me what my objections actually were, well I was stumped. I had no idea  what my problem actually was. Which kind of achieved two things. Firstly, I felt like a right muppet. And secondly I reassessed during a sleepless night about why things get to me so much.


Now, I still have no idea why they do, but I think I over process things and reach a conclusion which is completely left of field. Elsewise I don't think at all, but take things how I think they sound and end up in all heaps of situations I 'd rather have not been in.


Hence I shall chill out, and relax a whole heap.


And this includes not giving in to the kids for fear of old ladies tutting in shops. I need to learn to say no, or my house will explode due to too many clothes, shoes and toys. They need me to as they take everything for granted so much now that they break stuff and think it'll be replaced. Enough!


RULE 2: Thou Shalt Not Eat the Food Intake of a Small Country to Myself


I am so unhealthy. I eat too much, I boredom eat (I really hate Elder, cos when he is stressed he doesn't eat), I eat crap food. I have fallen into the Mum's Two Dinners trap of snaffling food off the kids plates and then having a meal myself later on. As a result, the old bod is looking a bit off. So, I am determined to be better and exercise control!


RULE 3: Thou Shalt Not Get Cabs Everywhere


I have gotten lazy- I find it easier just to go hail a taxi than walk up the hill. Its a 15 minute walk so its not miles. I reserve the right however to get a Taxi if its snows badly!


RULE 4: Thou Shalt Let Myself be Spoiled


I am really bad at excepting gifts. Elder asked if I'd like a Laptop for Christmas, to which I replied "no, cos they cost loads". How crap is that! I also feel bad for buying clothes, and always have this little feeling like I could be buying stuff for the kids or food. As Elder pointed out to me, we are far from destitute, our cupboards are always full. So, if I like something, I'm going to buy it, I'm not going to settle for the cheaper version, or wait until one comes up on Freecycle (in about two years). I'm going to buy myself a gift!


RULE 5: Thou Shalt Not Live By Take Out Alone


See, now this is the big one. I love take away, we have some great ones round these parts. Its tasty, its easy, its so bloomin' bad for me! And I can cook! So why am I eating crap? Laziness, reader, laziness of the highest order. My cook books have been dusted off, and from now on, no crap food. The end of my love affair is here. And also, because we ate crap, the kids started to want to eat rubbish too, and thats shocking. So, restaurant menus are in my Recycling Bin.


RULE 6: Thou Shalt Learn a New Skill


I am learning to play guitar. Have a;ways wanted to, and after Elder got a guitar from a friend for fixing his PC, I've got no excuse.


RULE 7: Thou Shalt Try Harder


Question. if you want something in life, how'd you go about getting it? Wait for it to land in your lap, or go after it? Well, I know what I want, I want my first by-line. Not fussed where, but I am going to go after it with bells on. I'm going to submit article ideas. I am going to write like my fingers are going to fall off. I want it so bad, so I have to try like I want it so bad too!


RULE 8: Thou Shalt Be More Gracious


Yeah the whole not going to Cybermummy thing, well, the idea I'd miss out on you guys was a bit of a tear jerker. I love you guys! So I am very lucky to be being sponsored by the lovely people at Maclaren  to go along again. And if I do happen to be nominated for stuff, its cos you guys are the greatest and most loyal bunch, ever, and to take your kind votes and turn my back would be pretty rubbish. So, bring on The MADS and all that stuff. Bring on trying to win my Gurgle again. Bring the whole lot on!


RULE 9: Thou Shalt Not Just Read Chick Lit


My brain is turning to mush quicker than Aunty Mabel loses Pippin on Come Outside. I need to stop just watching re-runs of Friends and watching Glee. I even found myself hooked on Eastenders and Corrie, which I swore I'd never watch.And I need to stop buying books which promote nothing but "Girl is nerd, boy in office is hot and she likes him, he never notices her, she gets a new look, he suddenly likes her. The End". What sort of message is that? I've been with Elder 11 years this year, and we still aren't married. 


I want to watch films which I learn from, and read books which make you question the whole of a characters psyche. I want to read the classics and start reading Shakespeare and poetry again. I will buy stuff I can learn from!


RULE 10: Thou Shalt Ask If I want a Day Off


I really love my sisters in law, they rock. But even after 11 years, I still find it really hard to ask them to babysit. Consequently, we went out as a couple, all night without either of the Bratlings once last year. Which doesn't do much for a relationship. But its my own fault! I will ask them more often! 


So, there they are!