Friday, 2 September 2011

Dear So and So- Tech Advanced Bratlings, DVD Annoyance and Strange Stats

Its been one of those weeks. You know the sort- nothing seems to go right, everything you plan out goes ass upwards. One of those. Hence here is my sleep deprived Dear So and So post.

Dear Bratlings

Seriously, if school doesn't start next Tuesday, I'm moving out. You have both found new ways of causing me annoyance. Like being far more tech-advanced than me. Stop using the DVD player. It took me months to work it out. It is not there to please you, nor is it there to cause turf wars seldom seen caused in our house due to anything other than CBeebies/Tiny Pop. 
As for the birthday present Daddy bought you, Littlest. Batteries are ingenious as they can be bloody removed.

Love you regardless
Mummy xxx

Dear Elder

Seriously-WTF? Do you remember those halcyon days before children, when, on hearing it was one of our God children/mates offspring's birthday, we'd head into town, and laughing at our smug evil plan we'd buy them the most noisy, irritating toy we could find? Yeah, do you remember we used to chuckle at how we, being sans children, didn't have to listen to the racket this inappropriate and frankly evil toy would produce?  

Why then did you go out to buy a R/C Car for Littlest, and come back with a bloody PIANO? And not just any piano, oh no, you excelled even the most evil noisy toys of days gone by, by buying a piano that is electric, with built in DRUM MACHINES and a bloody MICROPHONE. 

This monstrosity is so loud, that after an hour of it, I had a migraine. Its not funny. The excuse "that's how I roll" does not cut it.

To then go out and buy Mini a magazine with a slide whistle on? That's just cruel.

That's the last time I let you out to buy toys. And the Knight costume- I presume you intended the above as a joke and will never again whilst sober dress in your child's costume? Its very wrong.

Her Indoors (now slightly deaf)

Dear Sleep

Please come back to me. Yes, I know my brain is working overtime over processing everything that we have going on. Yes I know I am so worried to the point of neurosis over Littlest. But if you could see your way clear to letting me sleep for a few hours, that'd be great.

The lady practically main lining coffee

Dear Wiggles

Grr. Pee off back to Oz and take your JLS inspired day-glo jumpers and Valium lite smiles with you. Not to mention your 8GB of songs on my hard drive.

Ta very muchly
The Bratlings Mummy

Dear Weird Stat people who find me by accident if Google Mis-adventure

You will not find "Hot bored chavs" (chavs, how very dare you). You will not find "Sexy Posh Mummies gagging for it" (Gagging for sleep, I presume). You will not find "Traveller birds in their skimpy knickers, virgins in caravans", and likewise, nor will you find "Slightly thick girls" (grrr). Please go take your naughty and frankly offensive ways of finding me and my blog elsewhere. I hear that Barenaked Mummy is quite used to you deviants.

Now feck off

Everyone else, hope you are enjoying this lovely sunshine!


  1. Deviants ahoy - bollocks to them
    Having a bad week too so no worries!


  2. Ha ! this has made me giggle - I'll be joining in soon :)


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